


Will you follow through if I fall for you?

by ikleesfiction



Series: Will you follow through if I fall for you? [1]
Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27191300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikleesfiction/pseuds/ikleesfiction
Summary: You met Jay Halstead after you saved Owen Manning from an incident.It was so easy to fall in love with him. But you're not supposed to stay long in Chicago. Soon you need to leave. How could this end well for both of you?
Relationships: Jay Halstead/Reader
Series: Will you follow through if I fall for you? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2052504
Comments: 20
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : All works posted are works of fanfiction. I claim no ownership of any trademarked characters, persons, songs, artist, places and etc that I may not sufficiently credited.

You arrive at the swimming pool later than you've wanted. You wish to get a few laps, before the school kids coming for their class. But here you are just starting to stretch, you can hear their raucous laughter already.

You get into the deeper side of the pool, not wanting to interrupt the class or get interrupted. You start easy. Ever since the incident, you have not got the perfect movement of your feet. Some day, like this morning, it was hurting so bad, you don't even want to get up from the bed. But after about forty minutes of light swimming in the pool, you feel like it's getting better. You think you could swim for another ten minutes before you get dry. You challenge yourself by swimming deeper and doing apnea. You notice in your periphery three kids get closer to the deeper side of the pool and swimming playfully. You reach the poolside and come up for air. You're trying to see if the boys are safe enough or if you need to warn the teacher.

But suddenly one of the boys puts his hand up, panicking as he tries to get more air. You cannot spot the other two kids. So you dive in the water again, swim to the boy as fast as your feet allowed. You see the other two boys pulling their friend's feet down, without realizing that their friend is drowning. Once you reach them, you pull the drowning boy up, bring him to the side. The pool guard and the school teacher ready to help you to get the boy out from the pool. The boy is coughing water and keep panicking. They try to calm him down so he can breathe. Thankfully, the boy calms soon enough to breathe through his sobs. You're still in the water, poolside with the boy's friends beside you. They gape in shock, knowing their friend almost drowns.

"We're so sorry, Owen! I thought you're ready when we pull you in!!", one of the boys in the pool says.

"That was a dangerous thing to do, David. I have told you before we get in the water, that nobody should swim in the deeper side of the pool. But you three even played in here. Someone could get seriously injured by your recklessness.", the teacher chides her student.

"Yes, Miss, we are sorry", says the other boy from the pool.

"Now, everybody gets out of the water. We have to stop the class. I have to bring Owen to the hospital, to make sure that he is not badly hurt. David and Noah, I have to call your parents to report your behavior. You too, Owen. I will tell your mom the same at the hospital", declares the teacher.

"I called 9-1-1, paramedics are 3 minutes out, to bring him to the hospital", says the pool guard. "Nice save, by the way", the pool guard continues to acknowledge you.

"Nah, just lucky I saw them first", you answer. You look at the drowning boy, Owen, as you remember the teacher called him. "You're gonna be okay, kid", you say to him. Owen looks back at you, and through his hiccups, he says, "Thank you". You just give him a smile as a reply. A moment later, you see Gabby Dawson and Sylvie Brett come in. They check Owen further, then pack him up to go to the hospital.

"Hey girl, nice to see you here", Sylvie greets you.

"I don't wanna be ungrateful, but I wish I didn't have to see you here, Syl", you reply, slightly amused.

"Eh, what can you do, right?", she answers jokingly.

"Alright, we're ready to go, Owen. Let's go see your mom at Med", Gabby says.

"I'll follow you there. I have to wait until the subs teacher gets here to take over the class", the teacher says to Gabby. "Thank you again for saving my student", she earnestly says to you. Gabby and Sylvie stare at you, with eyebrows raised. Gabby then rolls the gurney out, while Sylvie hangs back and grins at you, "You saved him from drowning? How's the table turned! The rescuee turns to be the rescuer!"

"Shut up, Brett!", you say, embarrassed. As you try to pull yourself out of the pool, your left hamstring suddenly cramped. "Argh!", you yell and put yourself back into the water.

"You okay?", Sylvie approaches you.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine. I just need a cool-down lap, then I'll be okay. You better go catch Gabby, before she leaves you here", you try to dismiss her.

"You sure you okay? Do you need a ride to go home? Your feet hurt because you sped up to save Owen, don't they?", Sylvie tries to pry.

"Yeah, I'm okay. It doesn't hurt much. Seriously, if it feels really bad, you'll know, Syl. I won't shut up about my pain when I can badger you", you pull out another tactic to get rid of her worry.

"Alright then, you'll promise to go to your clinic if it gets worst, right?", Sylvie finally relents.

"Of course", you simply reply. You need Sylvie to leave soon because you want to give your left hamstring a massage and you don't want to do it under Sylvie's scrutiny.

"Okay, babe. See ya!", with that Sylvie goes.

You know Sylvie and Gabby and almost everybody from Firehouse 51. There was an incident. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. House 51 rescued you, but you hurt your legs so badly. You were supposed to only stay in Chicago for 3 days for a business trip. But because of the incident, you have to stay for 3 months. You need to complete a series of treatments so you can gain full recovery of your legs movement. You cannot go back home, your family cannot come to be with you for that long. You have to rearrange your life and have been doing this treatment for the last couple of months.

You stay in the pool for another ten minutes, before you feel like you could move with less pain. You get out of the pool and take a shower in the locker room. You don't like to have a shower in public places, but you think you need to go to the clinic, meet your physical trainer to check out your feet. 

You're saying the truth to Sylvie when you said that it doesn't hurt much, but you're on the last segment of your treatment. If the treatment is successful, presumably you can leave Chicago in four weeks. But if you end up injuring your leg, you might have to redo the treatment. As lovely as the city is, you don't want risk staying longer in this city than you have to. You get a job that you love, that makes you travel all over the world. So being stuck here in Chicago, by yourself, feels like torture to you. House 51 is very supportive of you, once they know that you have to stay in the city by yourself and doing a serious treatment. They help whenever they can. Kelly Severide basically adopted you as his little sister, since he's the one who pulled you from the incident scene. You're grateful for them, but it made you missed home more. At home, your parents are closer. You're working with your best friends, surrounded by brothers and sisters by choice too. You still call them whenever you can. But their life continues, while you're stuck here.

Med is on the way to the clinic where you're doing the treatment. You hesitate slightly in front of the hospital entrance, thinking maybe you can check on Owen for one more time, hoping that there's nothing serious happening to him. You ask the cab driver to pull over as you passed the hospital entrance. At the ED nurse station, you ask, "Hi, Uhm, there's a boy, named Owen, that brought here because of drowning. May I know if he's doing okay?"

The nurse gives you a hard stare, "We cannot disclose any information about our patient to any non-family member, Miss". You scold yourself for being too soft-hearted. It’s obvious that they won’t tell you anything. For all they know, you could be a kidnapper. You give the nurse an apologetic smile, "Of course, I understand. Thank you". As you gear yourself to leave, a doctor in dark scrub, interrupted politely, "Who's asking?". You see "Connor Rhodes, M.D" embroidered on his right chest. "Uhmm, my name is Y/N. I was there at the pool. He couldn't breathe for a moment when I pulled him out. I know the paramedics said he'd be okay, but I thought I could make sure, for my sanity that Owen is going to be okay"

The doctor and the nurse glance at each other, contemplate shortly before the doctor tells you to wait. He goes into one of the Trauma room. You are just standing awkwardly at the nurse station, trying to be unobtrusive as possible. Then a woman in a doctor coat comes out from that Trauma room, follows by another doctor in red scrub and Dr. Rhodes himself. Once they are in front of you, you can see "Natalie Manning, M.D" on the woman's coat.

"Are you the person who saved my son??", She looks at you with teary eyes.

"Err... I pulled him out of the water, yes. But the pool guard..", before you can finish your sentence, you are hugged by Dr. Manning.

"Thank you so much! Thank you! I don't want to imagine what it would be if you're not there!". Surprised by the hug, you're just awkwardly patting her back, looking at Dr. Rhodes and the other doctor behind her. You read, ".. Halstead M.D" on his chest, but cannot see his first name.

"Uhmm, I just happened to be there", you return, not knowing what to say. Dr. Manning lets you go from her hug after some time. "Is he truly going to be fine? No water in his lungs?", you ask the doctors.

Dr. Halstead answers, "We did a scan on his thorax. Nothing worrying in his lungs. We will monitor him further. Hopefully, there'll be no sign of infection occurred. We can send him home tomorrow if all goes well"

"That's great to hear.", you feel relieved after hearing that. "I hope he won't be afraid to be in the water again after the scare."

"Well, I'm the one who's afraid to let him in the water now", retorts Dr. Manning. Her eyes are still watery but her makeup is not smeared. "Stupid thing to notice, Y/N", you thought to yourself. You pull out a pack of tissue from your bag and offer it to Dr. Manning, who receives it.

"I'm sorry I'm a mess. My name is Natalie Manning, Owen's mom. Here is Dr. Will Halstead, my fiance. You met Dr. Rhodes before"

"Y/N Y/LN. Nice to meet you, even though the circumstance is not nice", you introduce yourself as you shake their hands.

"Seriously, thank you for saving Owen. How can we ever repay it to you?", Dr. Halstead sincerely says.

"Ah no, I did not do that or come here expecting anything. I'm just glad that you can let me know Owen is alright", you disprove.

"Why don't you come to our place for dinner someday, when Owen is home?", Dr. Manning offers.

"It's okay, doctor. There's no need for that.", you try to turn down their offer.

"Yeah, that's a great idea!", Dr. Halstead says. He pulls out his phone from his pocket. "Please put down your phone number here, we'll set up the dinner schedule", as he hands his phone to you.

You receive the phone, in reflex. "Truly, doctors, you don't have to do this. You don't even know me. What if I was lying to you?". These people were too trusting, you thought.

"The teacher told us what happened. Gabby Dawson also told us that her friend saved Owen. I could double-check to her if I ever doubt you. Not that I am though", Dr. Manning explains.

"Dinner is the least we can do for you, Y/N. I could also ask my cop brother to come to dinner, in case you turn to be a villain", jests Dr. Halstead.

You snicker lightly. "Alright then, only a fool refused free dinner", as you put your number on Dr. Halstead's phone.

""Well, don't expect much from the dinner. These people are not known to be a good cook, you know", quips Dr. Rhodes.

"Just for that Connor, you're not invited to dinner", Dr. Halstead points at him.

They laugh as you return the phone to Dr. Halstead. "I should go. Thank you again for letting me know about Owen. Hope he will back to the pool soon", say you with your cheeky grin.

"Thank you so much. You're a good person. You saved my boy, you came here to check on him, you even gave me a tissue!", Dr. Manning says to you, dabbing her eyes.

Dr. Halstead and Dr. Rhodes shake your hand goodbye. Dr. Manning gives you another hug before letting you exit the ED. None of the three doctors miss the limping on your left foot.


	2. Chapter 2

Will Halstead is sipping his morning coffee at his usual coffee shop. He pulls out his phone and calls his brother, Jay. "Good morning, dearest brother. Is it a good time to talk? Or are you currently chasing a perp?", Will half-jokingly asks. But it's always a possibility with his brother.

Jay sounds half asleep, "This is not a good way to wake up. Just so you know"

"What better way to wake up than listen to your brother's lovely voice?", Will bemuses.

"Oh, a lot of things can beat this. So what's up? and it's better to be important for you to call this early", growls Jay.

"Owen got in an incident recently at the swimming pool", Will starts the story.

"Oh my god, what happened? Is he okay? Is he at the hospital now?", Jay fully awakes now.

"Calm down, you worrywart. Let me finish the story. Owen and his friends played a bit carelessly in the pool. He almost drowned, but someone saved him. We checked him out at Med. Owen is okay now. Said he cannot wait to go back to the pool", tells Will.

"Oh thank god, he's alright. Kid is so reckless. I should probably give him another swimming lesson, right?", considers Jay. "Maybe in a while. Nat is still not sure she can let Owen back in the pool", Will answers. "That's understandable. But living in Chicago, kid should be prepared", deems Jay.

"Yeah, I agree with you. But that's not the only reason why I'm calling by the way.", Will starts again. Jay just knows from his tone that Will is up to something. Something that usually ends up with a volunteer-Jay. "What do you want now?", sighs Jay.

"Nat and I invite the person who saved Owen for dinner at our place tomorrow. We want you to come as well", proposes Will. "Why should I?", Jay simply asks.

"Don't you want to meet the person who rescued Owen? Show them your gratitude for saving your precious nephew?", Will coaxes. "Isn't that supposed to be the parents' job? I'm just the fun uncle!", utters Jay.

"Then you should have a fun dinner with us tomorrow or you'll get demoted", concludes Will. "Ergh, okay fine. No promises though. If an urgent case comes up, I cannot make it to the fun dinner", Jay yields easily.

"Noted. Though bear in mind if you deliberately hide from dinner behind a non-existed-case, your title would be demoted to Lame Uncle", Will reminds Jay. "Even then I'm still the coolest", Jay mutters before he hangs up the call.

His phone soon buzzes with a text message from his brother. _"Put it in your calendar, Fun Uncle. Tomorrow, 7 PM, dinner at our place"_. He leaves the message unanswered but puts the dinner schedule on the calendar nonetheless. Whatever the reason, it's always nice to see his sweet nephew.

◢◤

The cab stops in front of a nice house. You open the text message you received this morning from Dr. Halstead, to recheck the address. Once you're certain, you step out of the cab, walk to the front door, and knock. You thought of bringing wine for dinner, but with Owen's there, you're not sure if that's a good idea. Instead, you bring a box of chocolate. For a second there you think, what if somebody is allergic to chocolate? But before you have a chance to panic, the door is open.

"Hi, Y/N!! So glad you could make it. Come in, come in!", Dr. Manning greets you at the door.

"Hi, Dr. Manning. Thanks for the invite", as you come in.

"Oh no, please call me Natalie. I am not wearing a lab coat or a scrub now", Dr. Manning tells you. Right, Natalie. You try to keep that in mind.

Further inside the house, you see Dr. Halstead is setting up the dinner table, while Owen is sitting on one of the chairs. "Hi, Y/N! Welcome", Dr. Halstead acknowledges you.

"Good evening, Dr. Halstead", you greet him back. "Yeah, that's not going to work for tonight. Please just call me Will", he smilingly tells you.

"Hey bud, do you remember Miss Y/N? She helped you at the pool a few days ago?", Will asks Owen. Owen remembers the lady from the pool. But he's still embarrassed and shyly looks down, "I remember".

You approach Owen slowly. "Hi Owen, my name is Y/N. It's nice to meet you". Owen still avoids your gaze. "Oh, here I have a box of chocolate for you and the family", you pass the paper bag from your hand to Owen. "I hope you like it. My best friend and I always eat chocolate when we were having a bad day. Then our day gets better", you tell him.

"Really?", Owen eyes you curiously. "Totally", you grin at him.

"Thank you. Can we have it now, Mom?", Owen asks for her mother's permission. "Let's have it after dinner, hon. You have a cheesy lasagna warming in the oven, right?", Natalie tries to distract Owen while you grimace apologetically at her.

"Oh right! Miss Y/N, you must try the lasagna. It is so yummy because I helped Mom make it", brags Owen. "I cannot wait! Is there anything I can help with for dinner?", you offer.

"No, everything is almost done. Owen, why don't you and Miss Y/N go wash your hand? Then we can start eating when you come back", Natalie says. "Okay. Let's go, Miss Y/N. I wanna show you my shark toothbrush!", as Owen drags you.

When you come back, Four plates are set on the table of five settings. "Is Dr. Rhodes coming for dinner?", you politely gesture the fifth setting.

"Connor? No. Oh, it's for my brother. I asked him to come, but he's usually got caught up at work and come late.", Will reveals.

"Ah, the cop brother. That's good. I was worried you guys were too trusting to a stranger. Should we wait for him?", you ask. "Yes, my brother is a cop. But no, it's not because I don't trust you.", he paused for a while. "Well, not entirely", he added later. You just laugh in response. "We can start now. If we wait until Jay arrives, the food's going to be cold", advises Natalie.

You take a bite before compliment Owen, "It tastes great, Owen! You are a good help to your mom". Owen is too busy with his noodle and just give you a big grin. It is not long before you hear knocks on the door.

"That would be Jay", Will gets up from his chair to the door, while Natalie stands up to pull one portion of lasagna out of the oven.

"Have you met Uncle Jay, Miss Y/N?", asks Owen. "No, sweetie. I have not", you reply.

"He is fun. I like to play with Uncle Jay. We can play together, Miss Y/N. You are fun too. Because you bring chocolate", Owen explains his logic. You try not to laugh, "Well, thank you, Owen. I think you are fun too"

Will soon comes back in, followed by a very handsome man in a black t-shirt that fitted tightly and grey jeans. You notice that he's packing a gun and a badge snugged on his belt. He glances at you before says something to Will, that you absolutely miss. He steps to the other side of the house. You cannot help but stare at his back.

Natalie clears her throat lightly before you spot a plate of lasagna sitting on a seat beside you as Will walks back to his seat. You keep your gaze down to your plate, missing a knowing look between the two doctors.

Jay puts his gun and badge on a drawer before he washes his hands. He doesn't like to have guns near any kids. Natalie is also less tense knowing that there are no guns around his son. When he comes back to the dining room, he ruffles Owen's hair before sits next to you.

"You must be the guest of honor for tonight? I'm Jay Halstead, Will's brother" he offers his hand. You clean her hand with the napkins before shake Jay's hand. "Y/N Y/LN. Nice to meet you. Not sure about being the guest of honor though", you reply with a small smile.

"Well, I heard you saved Owen, so I think it's fair to make you an honorable guest", declares Jay. "How are you doing, bud? I was worried when Will told me that you got admitted to the hospital", Jay asks Owen.

"It was really scary, Uncle Jay. My friends and I were playing. I chased David and Noah was chasing me. Then suddenly, I got pulled down! I was afraid when the water entered my nose then I just cannot breathe!", Owen reports to Jay.

"Oh, bud. It must've been really scary. You have to be more careful. I know playing is fun, but you have to keep paying attention to your surrounding", Jay patiently told Owen. Owen just nodded his reply.

"It was very fortunate that Y/N was nearby when it happened", Will joined the conversation. "Do you swim there often, Y/N?"

"Yeah, maybe two or three times a week. I usually come early morning or an hour before closing", you answer.

"Wow, are you preparing for a competition or something?", Jay puzzled. You laugh at Jay's comment. "No, it was not like that. I need regular exercise for my legs. My physical therapist recommends swimming"

"The left one, isn’t it?", infers Natalie. "Yeah, how do you know?", you're a bit surprised by her question.

"When you came to the hospital that day...", Natalie starts to say. "Ah, I should've known you noticed it. Your patients must've hard times lying to you, Dr. Manning", you interrupt her before she says anything more.

"Well, my patients are mostly under 12 years old, they don't lie a lot. Their parents, though. Whole different stories", Natalie informs you. "I like it though when I can prove to my patients that they're lying", Will gives his opinion.

"Yeah, that's because your ED is attracting lots of nutters", cracked Jay. "You are also a frequent flyer on my ED, Jay. Means, you're one of the nutters", Will points out. You just laugh at the brothers' banter. You polish your meal while listening to the family conversation at the table.

"I finished my meal, Mommy. Can I have Miss Y/N chocolate, now?", requests Owen to his mother. "Let's wait for Uncle Jay to finish his dinner, so we can have the chocolate together", replies Natalie.

"You have chocolate, little man? You're going to share it with me, right?" demands Jay to Owen. "Miss Y/N brought me lots of chocolate. She said when she and her friend had a bad day, they ate lots of chocolate and they feel better. You're my friend, so I will share it with you, Uncle Jay", states Owen to Jay.

When Jay finishes his dinner, Owen drags him to the living room. You try to help Natalie and Will with the dishes. But Natalie refused your help. "Why don't you sit with Owen and Jay in the living room. Between Will and me, we can tackle these dishes in no time".

So you go to the living room and find Jay sitting on the floor, in front of Owen who sits on the couch. Owen has the bag you gave him before. Jay helps him to open the bag carefully. You sit on the couch, next to them. "This looks fancy, Belgian", comments Jay once they got the box out of the bag. "Ah, it wasn't supposed to be that fancy. I only picked it because it tasted similar to what I usually have back home", you explain.

True to her words, Natalie and Will come to the living room soon. "Owen, you can only have one piece of chocolate for tonight, okay? We can save the rest for tomorrow", Natalie tells Owen.

"But, Mommy...", whined Owen to his mother. "One, or nothing at all", Natalie doesn't deter.

"I'll take the deal, if I were you, bud", Jay fake-whispers to Owen.

Owen grumbly nods his agreement. He inspects the opened box carefully. "I cannot choose! They all look delicious!", he yells his frustration.

"You can try the round one. It has chocolate cream inside. Or if you like coconut, the triangle one is filled with sweet coconut", you suggest to him.

"There's coconut in there??", Owen says, bewilders. "I'll take that. I like coconut and triangle is my favorite shape". He gives the chocolate a small bite. His eyes go wide in amazement, before taking another bite.

Natalie, Will, and Jay also take one different piece from the box. "Ooh, I got orange fill, interesting..", Natalie says. "I expected the chocolate cream fill would be very sweet, but it's not that sweet", Will comments after his bite. But Jay doesn't express anything about his pick.

"What about you, Uncle Jay? What kind of chocolate do you get?", Owen inquires him. "Dark chocolate", Jay answers shortly.

"Was it good?", Owen keeps asking. "It's bitter", Jay tells him.

Owen pulls a face. "You can finish all the bitter chocolate, Uncle Jay. I'll only keep the sweet one". Jay grins at his nephew, "Thanks, bud!"

"You finished your chocolate, Owen? Come on, let's take a bath, brush your teeth, and get ready for bed", orders Natalie. Owen looks like he's going to argue. "Or Uncle Jay will take all the chocolate home with him", Natalie threatens. "Nope, I'm going now.", Owen jumps from the couch and goes to the bathroom as Natalie follows him

"You guys want anything to drink? Coffee? Tea maybe?", Will offers to you and Jay. He already got up from the couch and goes to the kitchen. Not interested in the drink choices, "No, I'm good, thanks", you decline his offer, uninterested with the drink choices. "Just water for me, bro", Jay calls out to Will as he moves to sit beside you.

"Which one is your favorite?", Jay asks you, referring to the chocolate box. "Dark chocolate", you answer spontaneously. "Yeah, I can see that. it's just purely good", Jay agrees with your choice.

"Pair with red wine will make it even better. A box of dark chocolate, a nice red wine, spends it with a good company, guarantee you'll have a nice night", you elaborate.

"That sounds nice", Jay notes. He then gazes at you, considering. Before long, Jay leans in closer to you and like a different pole of a magnet, you pull in as well. You can see light dust of freckles on Jay’s nose and wonder if his lips would taste like dark chocolate.

“Here you go, bro!”, Will suddenly comes back with two bottles of water in his right hand and a cup of tea in his left. You abruptly move away from Jay, eyes down to the floor. Jay takes one of the water bottles with an unimpressed look, that Will replies with an innocent grin. “Here’s water for you, Y/N. In case you’re thirsty”, Will teases further.

You can feel your face turned red, so you just trying to be cool about it. “Thanks, Dr. Halstead”, deliberately using his title. There’s an awkward silence for a moment before Will breaks it. “I think I never asked before, but what do you do, Y/N?”

“I work for a record label company", you happily reply. "What does one do at a record label company?", Jay asks you curiously. "Lots of things. But mostly I produce music and write songs", you answer him.

“So you’re a musician?”, Will points out. "In some way, yes. Just not a performing one. I do not really enjoy performing in front of live audiences", you pause for a moment. "Currently, I'm working on a music podcast where I can play and tinker music for myself. The audiences come afterward when they stream it. I like this better than doing a live gig" as you try to reason.

“I'm gonna check that podcast out”, Will declares. "Where can I find it?"

But before you can answer, Owen runs to the living room in his pajamas. “Ah, somebody’s ready for bedtime”, Will stands up from his seat. Owen stops in front of you then hugs you. “Thank you for the chocolate, Miss Y/N”.

“You’re welcome, Owen. I hope it helps you feel better”, you hug him back. “Yes, but I feel much better if I can have one more?”, he looks at his mom dubiously. “You also can feel better after a good night's sleep. So enough chocolate for tonight”, Natalie amusedly answers.

Owen then moves to hug Jay. “Good night, Uncle Jay. Remember, bitter chocolate only for you”. Jay chuckles, “I will not touch your sweet chocolate, I promise. Sleep well, bud” as he rubs Owen's back gently.

Once Natalie comes back after putting Owen’s down to bed, you thought it’s probably a good time to leave. “I think I better go home now. You guys must be tired after a long day at work”, you raise from your seat.

“Oh no, you don’t have to leave now”, Natalie says. But then you hear a ping from a phone. Follow by another ping. And another ping. Will pulls out the phone from his pocket, and momentarily reads it. “Med needs me to come in”.

“Guess, the party’s over”, Jay says. Natalie just lets out a sigh.

You pull out your phone, try to order rideshare to go home. “I can drive you home”, offers Jay when he sees your phone. “Ah, I don’t want to impose”, you say. Jay peeks at your phone again and sees your address. “No, you won’t. It’s on my way home anyway”

“You sure?”, you double-check. “Absolutely”, answers Jay confidently. “Okay, then. Thank you”, you respond genuinely.

“Let me just quickly get my things” Jay goes to grab his gun and badge. When he comes back, Natalie and Will hug Y/N goodbye at the door.

“Thanks again for inviting me to dinner. It was wonderful”, you say honestly.

“Yes, it was! We should do it again sometimes. Maybe make it a picnic at the park if the weather’s good”, Natalie says.

“Maybe with a swim at a lake?”, you reply jokingly. Natalie just rolls her eyes, while Will and Jay laughed. You share good night wishes before leaving the house.


	3. Chapter 3

Jay guides you to his car and opens the passenger seat for you. Soon you are on the road. Jay turns the radio volume down before turning it on. He fiddles a bit before deciding on a station. You can hear Smokey Robinson’s voice faintly from the radio. You know Jay is nervous because you are too. Both of you stay silent and it is uncomfortable. You look out through your window, then absentmindedly you sing along to the radio softly. “So take a gooood look at my face. Ooooh”

Jay chuckles when he hears you sing. “Oops, sorry. Can’t help it. It is a good song”, you claim.

“Hey, I don’t mind. You can sing the whole song if you want. I like it”, Jay tells you.

“Now that’s a lie. I know I don’t sing well”, you say to him.

“Well, I didn’t say you sing well. I only said I like it”, Jay smirks at you. You just shake your head and smile.

“I notice you didn’t take the chocolate after dinner”, Jay comments.

“Yeah, It just felt weird to take back what I have given”, you confess

“How do you feel about having dessert with me now?”, Jay asks you. You just blink in response. Rethinking about his question, Jay quickly rectify, “I mean ice cream! Or cake! Or a pie?”

You snort at his ramble, “Sure. Ice cream sounds good”. Jay lets out a relief breathe before drives down to an ice cream parlor.

You hold a cone of macadamia ice cream, while Jay picks rocky road ice cream in a cup. “You don’t have enough chocolate, do you?”, you tease him. "One can never have too much chocolate”, Jay justifies with a smile. You let out a free laugh. As you both casually talk to each other, you found that you enjoy your time with Jay. You understand his physical attractiveness, but this fun side of him, his dry wit, his gentleness, is another part of him that attracts you more.

After you both finish the ice cream, Jay drives you back to your place. You point out your building then he slowly parks in front of it. He gets out of the car and walks to your side as you just close your car door. He puts both of his hands in his jacket pocket. “So...”, he nervously lingers.

“Thank you for the ride home and the ice cream”, you say. “I apologize that you have to listen to my singing voice”, you continue jokingly.

But Jay doesn't laugh, “What if I would like to hear it again sometimes?”, blurts Jay.

“My singing voice?”, you ask doubtfully.

“I would like to see you again. Maybe we could go on a date?”, Jay clarifies. “The singing part could be negotiated”, Jay adds with a cute grin.

“Oh..”, stammer you. You also want to see Jay again but you’re not sure it’s a good idea. There's a good chance that you will fall in love with Jay after one date. But you're supposed to leave the city in four weeks, in a very healthy condition. No broken bones, no broken heart.

Hearing no further response from you, the grin fell from Jay’s face. “It’s alright if you don’t want to”, Jay tries to give you an out. “I don't even know if you're single. Even if you want to go on a date with me, there is also a high chance that I bail because of some urgent cases. Or something else happened, to someone else”, Jay continues to babble.

Decide to pull Jay out of his misery, “Give me your phone, please”, you open your right palm and wait.

Jay silently unlocks his phone before puts it in your palm. As you type your number in, “To clear any doubt, yes I'm single", you state. Then you put his phone back in his jacket pocket, "You better not bail on me, Jay Halstead", softly pull him closer to you.

Jay grins widely in answer. You smile as wide as him. The logical part of you says this could end badly. But the other part of you, that feeling lonely, craves this so much.

Jay leans forward to peck your cheek, so close to the corner of your lips. “I’ll call you soon”. He gets back to his car and wave goodbye to you.


	4. Chapter 4

Jay whistles as he steps into the Intelligence Unit area the next day. “Good morning!”, greets him to the room. “You’re chirpy today”, his partner, Hailey Upton notices.

“Am I? Isn’t this just a beautiful morning?”, Jay points out to the window. The wind is blowing hard outside and it’s a bit cloudy. Hailey looks at her partner suspiciously. Jay hums happily as he opens a file at his desk.

"Nobody should be that happy looking at a case report", Adam Ruzek comments.

"Have you finished your report from yesterday's case, Ruzek?", Al Olinsky asks his partner

"No. But it's still unbecoming to see", Adam jerks his head to Jay.

"You don't have to be as happy as Halstead there, but get to it!", Al scolds him. Adam grumbly sits on his desk, finishing his report.

◢◤ 

You're getting ready to leave the clinic after a harsh PT session. Today's exercise left your feet feels sore. As you pack up, your therapist comes holding a file in his hand. "Hey, can we talk for a moment?"

"Is everything okay?", you ask him as you see him frowning.

"I've discussed your latest scan with your doctor at Med. I informed them of your progress and current condition. We agree that we need to extend your treatment for another month", he explains to you.

"What? But I feel fine!", you ask him disbelievingly.

"Yeah, but that cramp you got at the swimming pool? We think there's something else that caused it. So just to be safe, we are gonna redo the previous segment again. A month to redo and another month for the last segment", he discloses.

You sit down at the bench, unable to say anything. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I know you are eager to go back home to Amsterdam. But we cannot let you go without being 100% sure that you're completely healthy", your trainer tries to console you. "I believe you will do well, Y/N. Two months are going to fly by unnoticed". You just rub your face, trying to hold yourself together. "Alright", since you're not sure what else you can say.

As you arrive back at your place, you know you should've started to cook lunch. But you're not in the mood to do anything else than go hide your pain from the universe under your duvet.

Before you reach your bedroom, your phone rings. Without seeing the caller, you flatly pick it up, "Hello?"

"Uhm, Hi Y/N?", a deep voice sounds unsure on the other line. You recognize that voice and suddenly you feel warm.

"Jay Halstead, Nice to hear your voice", you reply. "It's lovely to hear yours too.", you can hear a smile in Jay's reply.

"Are you on lunch break, Detective Halstead?", you ask him.

"Sort of? I'm leaving the 21st District now to meet my CI. Probably will get a sandwich on the way", Jay informs you.

"No rest for the wicked, eh?", you retort. Jay lets out an infectious laugh that makes you giggle. "Are you busy tonight?", Jay boldly asks.

Temporarily forgetting your pain, you quickly answer, "I haven't been busy in the last two months"

"Wanna go out to dinner with me?", Jay suggests. "Sure. Where to?", you easily agree.

Jay hasn't thought that far before. He only knows that he'd like to see you soon. So he tries a diversion tactic, "Err, it's a surprise. I'll pick you up at 7?"

"Okay. I'll be ready", you say with a smile. "See you tonight", as Jay ends the call.

Talking to Jay made you feel better. Add that with the prospect of date night, you are quite excited now. You change your mind about hiding under the duvet instead you go to your kitchen to cook lunch.

◢◤ 

Jay sits in the car with Hailey. They are staking out a food truck, where the suspect has been seen to visit frequently. “Hey, what do you think of Mexican food on a first date?”, Jay suddenly asks Hailey.

“You’re asking me out, Halstead?”, Hailey quips back, eyes stay on the food truck.

“What? No! I mean, what do you think if your date takes you to a Mexican restaurant on a first date?”, Jay tries to clarify.

“Well, I like Mexican food. So I wouldn’t mind”, answers Hailey. Jay hums in response.

“But other girls might. Why are you asking me this anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be a slick playboy who can pull anyone?”, Hailey taunts him. Jay protests, “I am not”.

“Yes, you are! And usually, you’re proud of that! This person must’ve been really special if you’re thinking this hard”, Hailey wonders.

“I think she might”, Jay agrees. It’s so softly spoken, Hailey isn’t sure she heard it right. But before Hailey can ask further, “That’s our guy”, Jay says as he got out of the car.

Their suspect turns out to be a dead end. Jay got a bad feeling about this case. So he texts you to cancel the date. _**Hey, can we take a rain check for tonight?**_

 _ **Is this you bailing on me, Detective?**_. He's seen your reply, but Jay doesn't have time to answer. He just hopes you understand.

It’s quite late at night, but the Intelligence Unit hasn’t been able to solve the case. So they all stay back at the office, working hard. Jay goes to the break room to refill his coffee mug. He pulls out his phone and calls you as he waits for the coffee to brew.

"Hey, Jay. Catch the bad guy yet?", you ask as you pick up.

"Hi Y/N. Not yet. Seems like it's going to be a long night. I'm sorry we have to reschedule our dinner date", Jay says in regret.

"It's okay. I get it. You told me before right?", you answer patiently.

"It's not my intention to bail. I really want to see you", he sounds disappointed.

"Hey, it's alright. As I say, I'm never busy nowadays. So let me know whenever you have time, we'll make it", you try to comfort him.

"Why are you so lovely?" He gratefully asks you. "Maybe because you are too?", you flirt in response.

Jay sees the coffee is done brewing. He stands up from his chair and one-handedly pours the coffee into his cup. "I gotta go back to work", he informs you halfheartedly.

"Of course. You'll be safe, right Jay?", you request him.

“Yeah, I will. Sleep tight, alright? Dream of me. Bye”, as he disconnects the call.

Hailey enters the break room just as Jay ends his phone call. “I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to see you making kissy noise, Halstead”, Hailey mocks him. Jay just throws a packet of sugar to Hailey’s head and left the room.

The next morning, they feel like they’re getting closer to catch the perp. Jay puts his hand to close his mouth when he feels a big yawn coming. The landline on his desk then rings. “Halstead”, he picks it up.

“Hey, Detective, there’s somebody down here asking to see you”, Trudy Platt on the other line. He’s not sure who would it be, so he’s surprised when he saw you standing in front of Trudy’s desk.

"Hi, Y/N. You’re a sight for sore eyes”, he gives you a hug and a kiss on your cheek.

You grin at Jay, “Hi, Jay. I brought coffee and breakfast for you and the team. I thought you guys could have some meal after working all night. It’s not much, but I hope it slightly helps”.

Jay’s eyes widened in surprise, “Seriously? You are an angel”, Jay kissed you on your forehead.

“I have to go now, my cab is waiting. You’ll be careful, right Jay?”, you inquire him again.

“I will. I call you later, okay? Hope you have a great day!”, Jay gives you one last hug.

“Bye, Sergeant Platt!”, you wave to Trudy, who waves back with the breakfast wrap from you.

“That one is a keeper, Chuckles”, Trudy said to Jay. “Don’t I know it, Sergeant”, Jay noted.

Jay brings the paper bag of breakfast and coffee up to his unit. “I smell good coffee. And food. Why do you have coffee and food, Halstead?”, Adam looks hopefully at Jay.

“Because my girlfriend is a wonderful human being”, as Jay distributes the wrap and coffee. “I didn’t know you have a girlfriend”, Antonio gives his wrap a big bite. “Ooh, I’m so hungry. This tastes great! Thank your girlfriend for me, Halstead”.

Jay sits down to enjoy his breakfast and pulls out his phone to text you. _**I’m the popular guy at the office now since my girl brought food for us. The team owes you**_. 

Not long before he receives your reply **_So I’m your girl, now?_**. 

Jay loses a bit of his confidence, _**Too soon?,**_ he texts back. 

**_We'll see after dinner date_** , you vaguely reply.

It isn’t until almost evening, they finally close the case. Jay is doing his report when he hears Antonio saying out of nowhere, “La Sabrosa, great Cuban place near McKinley Park.” Jay ignores him since he's not sure who's Dawson talking to.

“Place looks good, quite intimate. No reservations needed, but there might be a waiting list if you come in the middle of dinner time, Halstead”, he continues. Jay pauses in confusion for a moment. “Upton said you’re looking for a restaurant for a first date”, Antonio simply explained. Jay glares at Hailey. She just puts her hands up apologetically.

“I’ll consider that. Thank you”, Jay simply says.


	5. Chapter 5

Jay didn’t text or call you further until the next day. You feel your phone vibrating on the desk as you are working with your headphones on. You see Jay’s name on the display before you pick it up, “Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N! I’m downstairs. Let's do the dinner date now. You haven’t had dinner yet, have you?” Jay spontaneously announces.

It was just past 7 PM. You have been working since 1 PM and didn’t notice the time goes. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Couldn’t you give me more time to prepare?”, you sound annoyed but he can hear the smile in your tone.

“Don't want you to accuse me of bailing again. So I have to be sure I can make it”, Jay says grinningly.

“Why don’t you come up and wait in my living room?”, you let Jay know your apartment number and buzz him up before you disconnect the call. Soon you hear knocks on your door.

“Hi, come on in”, you usher Jay into your place. “Sit wherever you like, make yourself at home. If you’d like to drink, feel free to take it from the fridge. I’m gonna go get ready”, you tell him.

As you turn your back to leave, Jay grabs your wrist gently and turns you around. His hand then cups your face tenderly and he leans to kiss your lips. You freeze up for a tick before melt into it. Your hand moves to his chest, palm over his denim jacket.

Jay pulls away after a while, “Hi. I miss you”, he murmurs. You just blink owlishly and stay speechless.

“Now you can go get ready”, he commands you with a smile. You voluntarily follow his order. Jay shakes his head, amused. He was being honest when he said he misses you. For the whole day, he was hoping the unit wouldn’t get any urgent cases. Once it’s time to clock out, Jay quickly moved out of the district. The kiss though been something that he wanted to do since he met you at Will’s place. When Jay saw you opened the door before, he thought you’re cute with faded pink shorts that were drowned by an oversized white t-shirt. He just felt like it was the right time to properly kiss you.

As he waits for you to get ready, Jay looks around at your place. It’s an open-plan apartment. He can see almost every corner of it from the living room. A flat tv was hanging on the wall, in front of a cozy couch and a simple coffee table. On one corner, there is a small desk table with a mismatched but comfy looking chair. A laptop, headphones, and a microphone are sitting on the table. Next to it, there are an electric keyboard and a guitar. Cables plug and scatter around messily. He figures that’s where you do your work.

Jay walks to the kitchen to take a bottle of water from the fridge. You don’t have a dining table. Only a kitchen island with chairs on its outer side. On the fridge door, he can see a training schedule and some recipe cards. There are no pictures or drawings. Actually, he cannot find any family photos or even band posters around the place. The place looks kind of bare without any personal decoration. Jay wonders how long you’ve been living in this place.

Fifteen minutes later, you come out of your room in a cream-colored blouse and skinny blue jeans. Because Chicago weather always feels chilly to you, you put on a black light-jacket that fell slightly above your wrists. “Okay, I’m ready”, you fluff your hair a bit. You don’t have time to style it the way you like. So brush and fingers should do.

“You clean up nice”, Jay compliments you. He offers his hand for you to take.

“Well, thanks for the heads-up”, you respond jokingly as both of you step out of your place after you lock it down.

You and Jay casually chat while he drives. “How was your day?”, you genuinely want to know.

“It’s good. Any day without getting shot at is actually good. The gang told me to say hi to you, by the way”, he informs you.

“Really? How many people are there in your team? I was lowballing for breakfast the other day. I hope it’s enough”, you tilt your head curiously.

“No, you were great. No one was left hungry. Let’s see, there is my partner, Hailey Upton. We got Ruzek, Olinsky, and Dawson. Hank Voight is our boss. Who else did I miss? Hmm…Oh, Burgess and Atwater! So there’s eight of us”, Jay counts.

“And Sergeant Platt at the desk”, you remind him.

Jay lets out a laugh, “Right, that’s sweet of you to remember her”

“Well, no one can go in 21st District without her permission. So I have to take good care of her”, you humorously explain your reason.

Soon Jay parks his car. “The restaurant is just around the corner”, he shows you as you step out of his car. You walk side by side to the restaurant.

“Dawson told me this place is good but I’ve never been here before”, Jay informs you when he opens the restaurant door for you.

“Great, I like unknown places”, you cheerfully comment.

There is a friendly-looking older guy greets them at the door. “Hola! Welcome! My name is Carlos. Are you looking for a table for two?”

Jay gives him an affirmative nod, “Yes, please”

Carlos then guides both of you to a table. He lets you settle down and gives menu cards to review. A few minutes later, he comes back, “Ready to order?”

Jay looks at you questioningly. “Ah, can you tell me more about this one?”, you ask Carlos, pointing out an appetizing picture of a dish on the menu. The discussion is certainly longer than normal, but Carlos happily explains it to you. Finally, you pick your choice and so does Jay.

“I’m sorry. It must’ve been annoying to listen to”, you apologize to Jay once Carlos left.

“Not at all", Jay brushes it off. "It is actually interesting to see. The guy was ready to narrate all the tales about each dish when you ask”

“Yeah, thankfully he’s patient about it. Other places might have kicked me out before I can decide”, you snort a laugh. “That happened before. We were in New York. My best friend, Alex is a DJ. He was scheduled to play a gig at a club there. We planned to have an early dinner before going to the club. It was a fairly fancy restaurant. I remembered asking at least three questions for each dish before the waitress lost her patience, accused me of pranking her, and kicked us out. We were too shocked to say anything”, you giggle through your story. “Whenever we try new places now, I’m not allowed to order anymore”

"You're not just being polite when you mentioned you like unknown places", Jay remarks after laughing at your story.

"No, I truly like it. When we travel for work, we like to try places recommended by locals. Sometimes they do well, sometimes they don't. That's the fun in that", you justify.

"Is that why your place is rather bare? Because you travel all the time?", he pries.

"Ah no, not really. I.. I haven't been staying there long. Two months now", you hesitantly unfold.

"Oh, where do you live before?", he continues to probe.

"Amsterdam", you quickly respond, wishing he doesn't ask more about it.

"That's far. What made you move here?", Jay intrigues, unaware of your discomfort.

Before you can reply, a waiter comes with an appetizer and wine. He pours the wine into both of yours and Jay's glass, then leaves the bottle on the table. You softly exhale your relief, grateful for the distraction.

“Hmm, this is good”, you say after sipping your wine and tasting the food. “This place is very nice", as you look around the restaurant. "A good recommendation you received here, Jay”

"Yeah, Antonio rarely stirs us wrong", Jay agrees with you.

"Antonio is Gabby's brother, right?", you ask him.

"Yeah, you know her?", Jay returns with a tad surprised.

"Uhuh, Met her at Molly's", you answer shortly. It is not exactly a lie, but it is not the whole truth either. You did come to Molly's the night before the incident where Firehouse 51 saved you.

"Seriously? I can't believe we never met before. Our unit is a regular there! Even Will also frequently goes there", Jay baffles. You just giggle in response.

Easy conversation flows during dinner. Both of you certainly enjoy it. Soon the meal is finished and dessert is polished. While Jay settles the bill, you compliment the staff for the nice meal. Carlos bids farewell at the door with a small package of dulce de leche cookies. "Hope you enjoy the rest of your night!", he wishes you and Jay goodbye.

“What if we take a walk for a while, sober up from the wine?”, Jay suggests to you after leaving the restaurant. “Okay”, you readily agree.

Jay holds your hand when you both stroll along the sidewalk. The sky is quite clear. Even though you cannot see a lot of stars, the moon shines prettily. Both of you glance at each other a few times. Until you lock eyes with him, Jay stops his walk and turns to look at you. “Gosh, you’re gorgeous”, he states before kissing you tenderly on your lips.

One kiss turns two and another and another. It got more intense for each kiss. You’re not sure how long until you have to take a breather.

“Might be better if we go back now?” you sigh to his lips. He steals another kiss before replying, “Okay, we’re going now.”

◢◤

Your hand is shaking when you try to open your apartment door with Jay’s hands wrap around your waist. His body presses on your back while his lips nibble on your neck. Once you get in, you lead him to your bedroom. Jay sheds his and your clothes one by one in between kisses along the way. Both of you are topless when you reach your bedroom. You push him lightly to your bed and straddle him on his lap. The make-out session keeps going for a while. His hands then move from your ass to take off your jeans. He rolls on top of you and starts to peel your jeans from your legs.

You suddenly realize that he’s going to see the scar on your left leg, a souvenir from the incident. Jay can feel you stiffen when his knuckles graze your scar. “You okay?”, he tentatively asks you.

“Ah, yeah. I don’t know how I could forget about it. I’m sorry. I could cover it so you...”, you falter.

“What? What are you talking about?”, Jay confusedly interrupts.

You sit up and pointedly look at your left leg. There’s a long jagged line that goes along your left hamstring. Jay delicately touches it, but you jerk your leg away in reflex, “Sorry! Am I hurting you?”, Jay sounds worried.

“No, you’re not”, you fall back to your pillow and avoid looking at Jay. He moves to your right side and leans on his left elbow, facing you as he waits for you to speak.

“There’s was an incident, a couple months ago”, you begin to fill him in. “Alex was playing a gig at a nightclub on Fulton River District. I assisted him behind the stage”, you shudder as you recount the nightmare.

“One moment everything went alright, but then I saw the stage started to wobble. It collapsed quickly. I pulled Alex out of the way but I moved too slow...” Jay stays silent but holds your right hand and kisses the back of it.

“I was trapped under the rubble. My leg got pinned. Until Firehouse 51 pulled me out of there”. Jay instinctively squeezes your hand. “Torn the ligaments, got some nerve damage too. Been working on it ever since”, you unreliably conclude your story.

Jay is quiet for a while, but his hand moves to caress your face. “I’m gonna buy drinks for the whole 51 next time I see them at Molly’s”, he declares and then closes the gap to your lips. “For them to save you, so I can have you here, with me, right now”

He continues to kiss your neck, down to your shoulder, on top of your breast, your ribs. His lips keep moving south until he gets to your thigh. You try to pull your left leg away, but he is just not having it. He peppers your thigh and knee with soft kisses. “You don’t have to do that”, you whisper. “I know it’s off-putting”

“That’s where you are wrong. I see this as a beautiful sign that you survive” Jay fiercely says. “I got scars too, Y/N. Some even invisible. Are you appalled about my scars?”, he questions you.

“Of course not!” you exclaim.

“So you understand that I am not revolted by it”, his eyes look at you sincerely, before he puts your left leg on his right shoulder to kiss your scar.

Soon, he takes off his trousers and underwear, follows by pulling yours off. When he crawls back on top of you, you circle your hands around his neck and pull him down to kiss his lips passionately.

"I'm so glad I got a chance to meet you", Jay says before continues the night to make love to you.


	6. Chapter 6

It's been a few days since your date night with Jay. It went much better than you expected. You knew from the start that Jay is a good guy and probably a sweet lover too. But after that night, you found out that there's more to him than his good look and easy-going attitude. Jay's gentleness soothes your insecurities. His understanding warms you from inside. It's hard to feel miserable when he's around. You cannot help but latch on to him.

You and Jay keep texting and calling each other every day, but you only got to meet him once since then. For a coffee date before he ran to work while you went for your PT session. His job doesn't leave a lot of spare time, so you relish all the time he spends with you.

You hear your phone rings when you have your lunch. There is a video call request from your best friend and work-mate, Alex. "Hey, you! I miss your stupid face!" you greet him.

"You know what's not stupid?" Alex ignores your greeting. "The new material I received this morning"

He refers to an email you sent him last night. Instead of sleeping, you wrote some lines and tinkered some notes on your electric keyboard. It was still very rough, but you and Alex swap ideas all the time. They could be a bar of melodies or chord progressions. Or maybe a single line that you cannot get out of your head, even there's no context to it.

"Wanna work on it soon?" Alex proposes.

"Yeah, sure!" you easily agree.

"You know I'm gonna ask how you come up with that song idea, right?" Alex probes further. He got an idea about your sudden burst of inspiration, but you haven't told him anything yet so far.

"You can ask. I might not answer", you nonchalantly retort. "Are you asking now?"

"I would, but I just arrived at my parents' house for our weekly dinner", Alex turns his camera phone and shows you his family dining table. "Say hi to Y/N, Pop" He lets his parents know that you're on the phone.

" _Hallo, Liefje_ " Alex's parents greet and wave at you. "I miss you, Y/N. How are you doing, darling?" Alex's mom squeals at you.

"I miss you guys too. I miss home," you utter mournfully.

"I saw your dad last week. He and your mom cannot wait to have you back home next month. As are we." Alex's dad informs you.

Your face gets even more upset. "I haven't told my parents yet, but it's gonna be another two months. It's not working out as good as they wanted"

Alex's parents let out a sympathetic noise. "Oh great, I still have two more months to hide all my chocolate from you" Alex teases you instead. He knows if he doesn't throw any humor here, you're going to weep. The family laughs at your offended look.

"Where's Sara?" you ask them when you didn't notice Alex's little sister on the table.

"She's getting ready for a date after dinner. Said they will go stargazing. Can you believe it?" Alex skeptically recounts to you.

"Hmm, that sounds romantic. Good for her." you hum your appreciation. Alex can see twinkles in your eyes.

"Of course, you thought it was charming", Alex sounds vexed.

"Why are you so grumpy about this? You have a hit song that compared someone's eyes with the moon", you remind him. "Last time I checked, that song already got more than 400 million streams on Spotify". Alex just grumbles incoherently, while you can hear his father's booming laugh in the background.

"Alex, would you please call your sister down for dinner?" Alex's mom orders him.

"Alright, ma. Gotta go, Y/N. I'll call you later when I'm back at the studio. Bye, sis!" Alex ends the call.

◢◤

Kelly Severide comes to your place in the evening after he finished his shift. He called you on your cell several times, but you didn't pick them up. He knocked on your door for a few minutes without answers. Worried that something bad happened to you, he uses his key to open your apartment door. You gave him a spare when you began your recovery from the incident. Since you got nobody in town except for the 51 Family, you thought at least one of them should have access to your place, in case you need help.

Kelly sees you sitting on your corner desk with headphones on. Your head is nodding to the beat you're working on. Relieved to know you okay, but feels a bit annoyed, Kelly taps your shoulder lightly. You jump in surprise, almost fall from your chair if Kelly doesn't hold you down.

"Kelly! What..! Why are you..??" your heart is still pounding in shock, makes you unable to finish your thoughts properly.

"I knocked! And called you many times! Neither you answered! I was afraid that you fell and unconscious so I used my key", Kelly exclaims.

You check your phone and see seven missed calls from Kelly. "Sorry, I left my phone on mute, somehow"

Kelly goes to raid your fridge and takes a bottle of apple juice. "Your fridge needs beers" he judges. "Go, get ready! We'll hang out at Molly's. Everyone misses you", Kelly orders you.

"I'm working, Kelly. Just because my work has no shifts, doesn't mean I can go anytime you want", protest you.

"You work for your best friend, who's in another continent right now. You can slack off for a bit" he dismisses your complaint.

"I'm making big progress here. My writing juice is flowing", you point at your laptop.

"One hour. I give you one hour to work. Then I'm hauling you out of here. In the meantime, I'm gonna order take out for us", Kelly decides.

You only mumble your disagreement, knowing that you're gonna lost the argument anyway. So you just put your headphones back on your head. However, Kelly pokes you again five minutes later, with his phone on hand, "Hey, do you want Thai or Greek? I'm in the mood for Greek right now", Kelly playfully asks you.

"Yeah, Greek is fine" you start to feel bothered.

He leaves to order the food while you're back to do your work. Ten minutes passed, Kelly drags a chair from the kitchen island to your side. He knocks on the table to catch your attention.

"Hey, I just remember, Brett said they saw you rescued somebody at the swimming pool last week. How did that happen?" he questions.

You let out a desperate sigh. "You're not going to let me work in peace, are you?"

Kelly just grins. "C'mon, we haven't hung out for a while. Lots of drama to share"

You save your work in defeat and then move to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Kelly sits on the couch with legs resting on the coffee table. You place yourself next to Kelly.

"They extend my therapy for another month" you restlessly play with your bottle cap.

"Is it not going well?" Kelly asks in concern.

"I got cramps that day at the swimming pool. They worried I damaged something. So they prefer to be cautious" you fill him in.

"That's when you rescued Dr. Manning's son " Kelly tries to clarify.

"Well, I just pulled him out of the water. The pool guard was the one who helped him breathe" you shrug.

"You assisted. It still counts as a rescue", Kelly insists. "Bet if Dr. Manning knew, she would buy you drinks at Molly's forever"

"More like got invited to dinner at their place," you mutter.

"Hmm, that's probably true" Kelly pauses for a moment, thinking. "Wait, did you meet her?" he grills you.

"Yeah. And her fiancé. I came to the hospital to check on Owen. Then next thing I knew I'm having family dinner with Manning/Halstead clan", you convey to him.

Kelly's phone chirps interruptedly. "Food's here" He goes to pick up the food from the delivery guy. "Alright, let's eat then we can go to Molly's"

◢◤

Jay is nursing his first beer as he watches Will bottoms up his third glass of whiskey. Will called him earlier in the evening, claimed that he needs bro night out after a shitty day at Med. Jay's initial plan to have dinner with you got scrapped before he even asked.

"Maybe you need to pace yourself, Will", Jay suggests to him as Will signs to Otis for a refill.

"Yeah, Doc. Maybe you want to switch? We have a nice Dutch craft beer chilling here", Otis offers. But Will is still holding out his empty glass to him, silently demanding for more. "Okay then" sighs Otis as he fills the glass.

Jay hears the commotions at the other end of the bar. He recognizes some people from Firehouse 51 there. Christopher Hermann is cackling, while Matt Casey grins widely. They pay attention to someone that is sitting among the group, but he cannot see who because Severide is blocking his view.

Jay checks his phone while he finishes his beer. He received a text from you beforehand, told him that she's going out to meet her friends tonight. He texted back, wishing her to enjoy her night out, but got no replies. Will notices Jay's scrolling on his phone and asks, "Do you need to go back to work?"

"Nah, just checking my texts" Jay puts his phone back in his pocket. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Not in the slightest. But I still have to go to work tomorrow. If I wanna do better than today, I cannot do that with a hangover" Will sulks. "Hey Gabby, I would like to try that craft beer Otis suggested" he requests to Gabby who passes by.

"Would you like one as well, Jay?" Gabby offers him.

"Alright, why not.." Jay accepts the new bottle.

"Is this a new batch? Don't think I ever have it here before", comments Will after his first sip.

"Yeah! Just start to come in this month. It's a friend's favorite. She hooked us up with a supplier directly from The Netherlands. You like it?" Gabby enthusiastically claims.

"It's good. But still not Bourbon", Will pouts. Jay lets out a snort while Gabby snickers.

Jay looks around the bar as he savors his beer. He paused when he thought he saw you sitting among the 51 Gang. Will notices and looks in the same direction. "Is that Y/N?" asks Will.

Jay stands up for his seat, "I'm gonna go say hi to her"

◢◤

You feel a palm pressed to your back as you hear someone's saying from behind, "Didn't expect to see you here tonight"

You turn your back immediately as you realize whose voice it is, "Jay!" shout you excitedly. You open your arms to hug him. Jay lands a chaste kiss on your lips before hugs you back.

Kelly and Matt look at each other over your head with eyebrows raised. "Well, _that's_ something I didn't expect" goads Kelly.

"Severide, Casey" Jay gives them an acknowledging nod with his hands stay on your hips.

"How do you know each other?" Matt asks curiously.

Jay opens his mouth to reply, but you hear Will's interruption, "You guys finally made it, huh?" Jay rolls his eyes at his brother.

"These guys have been sending heart-eyes at each other since they first met" Will tips off the 51 gang. "Which I arranged, by the way. But this result was unintentional"

"No, we're not!" you try to deny.

"I was there, Y/N, at your almost first kiss" Will divulges.

"Oh my god!" you hide your blushing face behind your palms. Jay smacks a kiss on the side of your head, amused while the group makes fun of you.

"I guess this happened after Y/N rescued Owen?" Sylvie asks to confirm.

"Ooooh yes, our next year candidate!" Hermann yells. The others just clap and whistle in response. You thud your head to the bar table, abashed.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed. We are proud of you" Casey remarks. "That said if you want to go to the academy..." he continues.

"Nuh-uh, I love my job, thank you very much" you quickly state.

You spend the rest of the night beside Jay, chatting and laughing with 51 Family and Halstead brothers until you let out a big yawn. "Tired?" Jay asks you softly.

You nod, "Beer always made me sleepy"

"Let me settle the tabs, then I'll take you home" Jay squeezes your shoulder as he stands up.

Kelly observes you and Jay throughout the night. When Jay left your side, he lowly speaks to you after making sure everyone else is busy conversing elsewhere. "So Jay Halstead is the one who got your juice's flowing, huh?"

"Kelly!" you slap his arm, agape.

"I mean your writing juice! You said it earlier!" Kelly yelps, but his smirk contradicts his words.

"You're the worst" you just shake your head.

Kelly's face turns serious for a moment, "Does he know about your situation?"

"What situation?" you try to sound innocent, but Kelly just gives you a look.

"Told him about the collapsing stage" you deflated.

"Have you told him that you're leaving in two months?" Kelly pushes.

"It's still too early. Who knows, Jay might end this soon", your voice sounds unsure.

"Don't think so. He looks quite smitten by you. Should probably tell him soon", Kelly disagrees.

"I'm happy right now, Kels. Can I just enjoy this for a while?" you start to lose patience with him.

"He deserves to know" Kelly persists.

You look down at the table, your fist is clenched in frustration. Jay comes back and notices the tense atmosphere. "Is everything okay?"

You reply with a forced smile, "Yeah, let's get out of here" then stand up from your seat and give Kelly a quick hug, "Thanks, Kels"

You move to say goodbye to the rest of the group, which takes a bit of time since everyone wants a hug or has something to tell you.

"C'mon guys, my boyfriend has waited long enough" you cry out when Sylvie and Gabby hold you back from going. The group guffaw even louder and playfully nudges Jay, who just beams brightly at you.

"Good night, guys!" you casually shout, finally getting away from the rest of the group, with Jay's hand in yours.


	7. Chapter 7

You are having the best time of your life. Even with PT kicking your butt down. Even when you have to wake up super early or stay up till morning for work. As soon as you hear Jay's voice, as long as he holds you in his arms, every hardship feels worthy.

You are sitting on your living room floor with a guitar on hand. A laptop and notepad are opened on the coffee table. You're having a conference call with Alex to work on a song.

"So any idea for the vocal? I figure we can send the demo to Conrad and see if he's interested," you refer to a singer who frequently works with both of you.

"Yeah, sure." Alex agrees easily. "Now tell me about this guy," he continues.

"Conrad? He's a singer-songwriter from Australia." you jokingly describe to him, absolutely knowing who's Alex talking about.

He rolls his eyes in response, "The guy you wrote the song about,"

"It wasn't about any guy." you look away from your laptop, nervously play your guitar instead.

"Nuh-uh, I've been your best friend for ten years. I know all your tell. Now, spill!" Alex prods you.

You exhale loudly before putting your guitar away and start telling Alex about Jay.

"So now you're dating him?" Alex concludes as you finish your story.

"Yeah," you nod in confirmation. "Though I'm not sure what to do when I come back to Amsterdam."

"Long distance relationship could work," Alex attests.

"I guess.." you hesitate.

"But you have to discuss it in the first place. So you gotta start talking to him." He advises further.

"I probably should," you have been mulling over this in the past few days, but nothing has been decided yet.

"You know what, now I understand why something felt off about this song," Alex suddenly says.

Confusedly, you frown. "I thought the song is fine,"

"We should release the song together." he confidently claims as if he didn't hear your comment.

Your face looks unimpressed. "We _are_ releasing the song together." you flatly return.

"No, I mean, we should make a project as a duo." Alex still beams at you.

"Are you high?" you raise your tone, perplexed.

"No, hear me out. You pour your heart into this song. People can feel the emotion and passion in it. You deserve to be credited as well," he tries to explain.

"I _will_ be credited. As the writer and producer. Are you implying that I have not worked this hard before?" you exclaim.

"Ergh, stop twisting my words!" he groans. "You know what I meant. This song doesn't just sound like me. It sounds like you too."

You shake your head, "I'm not a performer, Lex."

"You don't have to perform live if you don't want to. But think about how many songs you wrote or produced for other people, all the remixes you made. People love your music. This could be a new challenge for you!"

"Working with you is challenging enough. Not sure I have the energy to do other works", you grumble.

"Just think about it, please." Alex pleads.

Abrupt knocks on your door surprised you. You signal for one moment to Alex. When you open your door, you find Jay standing there, with takeout bags on hand.

"Hi, is it a bad time? I tried to call," Jay sounds unsure.

"No, not at all. Perfect timing, actually. C'mon in," you let Jay through. "Sorry, I was working and missed your call"

"It's alright. I don't want to interrupt your work though," Jay walks into your apartment after giving a peck on your lips.

"You're not. Come on, I want you to meet someone," you drag Jay to the couch. Jay initially finds it weird since he cannot see anyone else in the room.

"Jay, this is my best friend, Alex," you point out to your laptop. "Alex, this is my boyfriend, Jay." you introduce them.

"Hey, man. Good to see you. Heard a lot about you," Alex waves at Jay.

"Likewise," Jay nods back to him. "I can go if you're still working," he says to you.

"Nah, don't go. We're done, right, Lex?" you ask for Alex's confirmation.

"Yeah, I have to get ready for my flight anyway." Alex concurs.

"Where are you heading to?" Jay asks out of politeness.

"A gig in Marrakesh," Alex replies with a smile.

"Good luck," Jay kindly returns. "Yeah, break a leg, bro!" you holler. "Well, just not literally!" you correct yourself quickly. The guys just laugh at you.

◢◤

You and Jay just finished dinner and currently drinking cold beers on your couch. Jay's eyes roam around the apartment. He sees a strip of photos of you and him on the fridge door. Jay took you to a fair last week, and you claimed that visiting a photo booth is obligatory for a day at a fair. He cropped his favorite from the strip and put it in his wallet. The rest is pinned on your fridge door. Next to it, there's also a picture of you and some of 51 Fam at Molly's. A Star Wars poster is hanging on one wall. Jay remembered when you told him that Otis put it there as a protest because you said you like Star Trek better. He thought that the place now is starting to feel like yours.

Ella Fitzgerald's voice sweetly lulls from the speaker on your work desk. You pull Jay up softly by the wrist. He's confused for a moment before you face him and put one hand on his shoulder, the other one clasps on his hand. You gently sway to the beat. It cannot exactly be called dancing since you're just moving from side to side. Jay puts his free hand on your back and smiling down at you. He moves with you, even twirls you a couple times just to hear you giggle.

"When you're in my arms.." you sing along to the song. "and I feel you so close to me.." you circle your hands behind his neck. "All my wildest dreams came true.." you murmur while looking into his eyes. Jay holds you steady by your waist. He goes nowhere except to lean in and gently kiss you. The song changes, but you still hold each other close.

◢◤

Jay stayed the night after making sweet love to you. He fell asleep not long after, but you are still awake. Your mind is too busy, full of thoughts. How can you keep staying here? Is there a way to keep being with Jay even when you're thousands of miles away? Would that be fair for both of you?

You curl your hand around him, absentmindedly place a kiss on his bare chest. "Why are you still awake?" asks Jay, half asleep.

"Sorry, I woke you."

"Nah, I got you here. I don't mind being awake." He moves to embrace you. "But it seems you haven't slept a wink. What are you thinking about?" Jay sleepily lands a kiss on your forehead.

"You. Us," you admit.

"What about us?" he is awake now and giving you a serious look. You can see anxiety in his eyes.

You stay silent for a moment, considering what to say. "About how fortunate I am to be here, beside you. I never know that I could feel this much happiness before," you answer Jay honestly.

"You make me happy too." Jay pauses. "In fact," His gaze never leaves yours. "I'm pretty sure that I am in love with you," Jay tells you.

It shouldn't surprise you that much because you feel the same way. But his words still leave you breathless. "Yeah?"

"Positive," Jay firmly says.

"I am in love with you too, Jay Halstead."

You're not sure who started it, but soon you and Jay tangle around each other. You can feel his hands touching you everywhere. Your lips never stray away too long from his body. Just before Jay enters you, you frame his face with your hands. Against his lips, you whisper wholeheartedly, "Whatever happens, please never doubt that I love you."


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay, you have passed all our tests. We can officially clear you now. Congratulations, Y/N!" your therapist informs you while you are sitting on the floor, panting, after pushing yourself hard.

You grin widely, elated. "Thank you!!" With your phone in hand, you are so excited to share the good news with Jay.

"I will send my notes to your physical trainer in Amsterdam. That way, he can correctly maintain your fitness level." your therapist pats your shoulder and leaves.

Your heart suddenly dropped. How could you forget that you're leaving? What should you tell Jay now?

◢◤

Jay's cell phone rang on his desk when he went to the restroom. Hailey planned to answer it if it's related to the case they're working on. But when she sees your name on the screen, she lets it ring. The phone soon stops ringing. It only chirps one time after that.

"Your boo was calling," Hailey says, a bit miffed, to Jay. He grabs his phone to check it. "She gets that you're currently working, right?" Hailey continues as Jay scrolls on his phone. Ignoring his partner's comment, he immediately leaves the room.

Jay sees you standing on the sidewalk outside the 21st District. "This is a nice surprise," he walks toward you. "But unfortunately, I don't have much time to enjoy it," Jay continues with a warm hug.

"I know. That's why I bring lunch here, instead of asking you out. Maybe we can sit down somewhere quiet and have it together?" you hesitantly suggest.

Before Jay can answer, he hears Hailey coming out from the District. "Hey Halstead, let's go. We got a hit on our suspect!"

Jay gives you an apologetic look, "Sorry, I gotta go."

"Of course, I understand," you say even though your face doesn't betray the disappointment. "Here, take this. It's enough for two. You can share it with your partner," passing him the paper bag from your hand.

Jay accepts the bag and kisses you quickly. But you know each kiss now is counted. So you palm his cheek and give him a lingering kiss before dejectedly resting your forehead on his lips. Jay notices something feels wrong. He puts his hands on your face and looks at you in concern, "You okay?"

A horn is honking impatiently behind him. You clench your jaw, frustrated. "Go. Be safe, okay?" You tap his chest gently.

"I will," Jay answers instinctively. He then quickly goes to the car, where Hailey's already waiting.

◢◤

You have laid on the couch since you're back from The 21st District. The sun already sets, the room has darkened, but you're still not moving. Your thoughts are all over the place.

You jerk in surprise when you hear your phone vibrates angrily on the coffee table. You see Nick Kroes is calling. Nick is initially, and still is, Alex's manager. When you started to gain more recognition for your work at Alex's record label company, Pyramid, Nick then decided to take you under his management as well.

"Hey, Y/N. I heard the good news! It's been a long time coming, girl! Cannot wait to have you back here,"

"When do I have to leave?" you cut to the chase.

"How about next week?" Nick ponders.

"A week?" you stutter in disbelief.

"I know, I'm sorry I couldn't arrange it to be sooner," Nick misunderstands your upset.

"No, I mean... Can you give me a month?" you plead.

"You want to stay there for another month? I thought you'd be asking me to send you a plane tomorrow." Nick startles.

"Yeah. Just.. there's something I need to do. Please, Nick?", Your voice sounds desperately close to begging.

"Ah... I'm sorry, Y/N. We really need your help here. Two weeks is the maximum time I could give you," Nick ruefully tells you.

You close your eyes in resign. "Okay. I'll try to sort it out in two weeks."

"Thanks, Y/N. If you need anything else, just tell me, okay?" He says as he ends the call.

◢◤

It's already nearing midnight. Jay calls you even though he's not sure if you're still awake. The phone only rings twice before you pick up.

"Hey, love. You're not asleep yet?" Jay greets you.

"Nah, I can't sleep without knowing you're okay," you reply, which is a half-truth.

"I'm always okay. Well, most of the time." Jay chuckles. You smile but stay silent.

Taking a deep breath and ready to bite the bullet, you start to say, "Jay, I need to tell you.."

But you hear him speaks at the same time. "So, babe. I'm going to.. "

Both of you laugh nervously. "Okay, you start first," you decide.

"I need to go undercover soon. So I might be unreachable for quite some time," Jay informs you.

"Is it dangerous?" you faintly ask.

"A bit. But my people will keep an eye on me. I'll be fine." He tries to assure you.

"How long is it gonna take?" you feel more disheartened. Really, time is not your best friend right now.

"As long as needed. It might be a week or two. Hopefully not more", Jay tells you lightly.

You close your eyes, trying to contain your tears from falling. You only have two weeks before leaving Chicago. "That's long." your voice sounds shaky.

"Yeah. But it's my job, Y/N", Jay huffs.

"I know, I know. I understand," you say as calmly as you could while hiding your anguish at the same time.

But Jay doesn't feel console. "Do you? Because you sound uncertain about it. Did you just realized the consequences of dating me?"

"Hey, I don't wanna fight," you toughen your voice. "You're going to be away soon. I don't wanna us be mad at each other for a long time."

Jay stays silent, but you can hear his ragged breaths. "Please be careful, alright, Jay?" you continue.

"Yeah, I will," he promises. "Look, I gotta go to sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day."

"Okay. Sleep tight. I love you," you murmur your goodbye. Jay hangs up the phone without saying anything else.

You slept restlessly through the night. The next morning, you wake up to two text messages from Jay.

**_I gave your number to Hailey. If anything happens to me, she'll call you. I'm sorry for snapping at you last night._ **

**_I'll try my best to come back to you soon. I love you._ **

◢◤

Nearing your departure, you hang out at Molly's every night. Whenever your friends from Firehouse 51 are not on shift, you always have someone with you. But tonight, all of them are working. So you sit alone at the bar, with a glass of ice water in front of you.

"Mind if I sit here?" says someone on your left. You look to your side and find Will Halstead standing there.

"Dr. Halstead, Hi," you nod at him as he takes a seat.

"Just because the other Halstead isn't here doesn't mean you can keep calling me that, Y/N," Will jokes. You smile shyly.

"You just got off shift? How was your day?" you ask him. Will has heard from Jay about this before. How genuine and caring you are to your friend. Always asking simple, but thoughtful questions.

"It's great. Busy, but I'm glad I didn't lose anyone today. How was your day? How is the podcast going? I cannot wait for the next episode," Will says.

"You listened to my podcast?" you ask him, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I did. Jay told me about it. It keeps me company on my way to work. I like the remix that you played in the last episode. Smokey Robinson's song? What's it called..." Will tries to recall.

"Tracks of My Tears?" you reply. You smile to yourself, remembering your first car ride with Jay.

"Ah yeah, did you make that remix?" Will asks.

"Oh, I wish I were. But no, that was a work of the great Avicii," you explain. "You really enjoy it?" you ask him, still with a hint of doubt.

"I do, yeah. We have a similar taste in music, I think. Unlike Jay, though. Bet the only reason he listens to it because he likes to hear your voice", Will mocks his brother. You burst out a laugh. "But I know he's proud of you and your work." Will continue after his laughter.

"Hmm, yeah. I'm proud of Jay and his work too. Even though, sometimes it sucks," you harshly tap your phone that sits peacefully on the bar table. It lits up after your touch. Will can see a picture of Jay making a ridiculous face on the screen.

"You heard anything from him yet?" you question him.

"Not from him, no. But I saw Burgess today at the hospital when she's interviewing a victim. Said Jay's fine. They think they could wrap the case in a few days." Will informs you.

"Good. That's good." you pause to sip on your water. "Hey Will, may I ask you a question about Jay?"

"Sure. Ask away." Will nods.

"Is Jay.." you falteringly begin. "When Jay's mad, is he a type who's holding grudges for a long time?"

"Well, depends on the person. If they are a criminal, absolutely. If they are someone he's close to, sure, sometimes he can be a stubborn asshole. But in the end, he always forgives them, especially if it's someone he loves," Will answers. "Why? You guys had a lover's quarrel?"

"Hmm, something like that," you vaguely answer.

"I say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Jay must've been impatient to go back to you." Will tries to comfort you.

You are so close to telling Will the truth. That, instead of thinking of a past quarrel, you're actually preparing for the upcoming storm. But in the end, you change your mind. "Thanks, Will." you just give him an unconvincing smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for this mess.

Today is the day before your departure. You are still standing on the edge between leaving without saying goodbye to Jay or forgetting your responsibility in Amsterdam and just stay in Chicago. You know this is your fault. Keep delaying the talk, uselessly wishing for some miracles, when time is never a promise to anyone.

Your phone chirps for a text from Antonio, _**The case is done.**_

Antonio has become your confidant these past days. He knew your situation after you drunkenly told him at Molly's one night. Of course, he thought you're at fault, but at least now he tries to help.

You immediately text Jay. ** _Hey, you're back? You okay?_**

Jay replies by calling you. "Hey, love"

"Hi, Jay," you are relieved to hear his voice, unaware of your eyes that start to wet. "Are you okay?"

"Yep. No scratches and bruises. Perfectly well." Jay answers easily.

"Yeah, you are perfect indeed," you clumsily flirt as you wipe your eyes. Jay cracks an infectious laugh that you quickly follow.

"God, you don't know how much I miss hearing your laugh," Jay says after.

"Hmm, you might be right. But I know how much I miss you," you retort with a smile.

"You are such a sap," Jay groans.

"Good thing I'm a songwriter and not a detective, right?" you quip cheekily.

Jay chuckles in response. There's some chatter in his background. "Babe, I gotta go. My paperwork won't finish itself. I'll see you at your place tonight?"

Tonight is actually your farewell party at Molly's. For a second, you think of bailing the party and just agreeing on Jay's idea. But you cannot really do that to the 51 family.

"Err... 51 is doing something at Molly's tonight. I promised them I'll come. Can you meet me there?" you say instead.

"No problems. See you later. I love you", Jay cheers, suspecting nothing. "I love you too." you return as he ends the call.

◢◤

Jay opens Molly's door and finds you in the middle of the 51 gang, sharing laughs and hugs or pats in the back. He's not sure what's happening there, but when you see him, the laughter ceased. The crowd breaks up as you slowly walk towards Jay.

Jay smilingly opens his arms, then you hug him tightly. "Hey, babe," He pulls back to kiss your lips. You close your eyes, trying to savor this moment. "I miss you,' Jay says. You give him an unsure smile.

Jay puts his arms on your shoulder to guide you back to the bar. That's when he notices a banner hanging on display, " ~~Farewell~~ Come back soon, Y/N!!"

"Are you going somewhere?" Jay tilts his head at you confusedly.

You step aside to face him, "Jay, we need to talk," you solemnly say, before leading him outside Molly's.

"Okay, I got a feeling I'm not going to enjoy this talk," Jay feels baffled and kinda scared too.

You stand in the cold weather of Chicago, only in your henley and jeans. You put both of your hands to your chest, trying to warm yourself a bit. Your fingers nervously play with your necklace, considering what to say.

Jay cannot stand your silence any longer, "Are you gonna start talking soon?"

You put your hands down and look into his eyes, "I'm going back to Amsterdam tomorrow night."

"Okay. When are you coming back?" Jay frowns dubiously.

"I mean, I'm returning back home, Jay. I'm leaving Chicago", you try to clarify.

"What? What do you mean you're leaving Chicago?" He snaps in fright.

You look down for a moment and inhale deeply, "After the incident, I have to stay in Chicago for three months to do the treatment for my legs. I got no choice but to stay here. Alone, by myself. I was counting the day until I can get out of this city. I hated it here, since my family, my friends, my job are not here."

Jay startles at your explanation. You continue before he says anything. "But then you showed up. Suddenly I wish I had more time to stay in Chicago. I clung to any reason to stay. But now I ran out of reason." Your eyes are begging for his understanding.

Jay, however, explodes. "What?? Am I not a good enough reason for you to stay, Y/N?? Isn't our relationship good enough??" He signs between the two of you. Jay can see your eyes start to water. You bite your lips, trying to hold down your sobs. "And why are you just telling me now?! Am I meant so little to you?" He confronts you further.

"No! You are.. more than.. everything", you try to touch Jay's shoulder, but he jerks away from your hand. You disappointedly look down, "I was going to tell you before. But each time, it gets harder. I was afraid," you murmur.

"Afraid of what?!" Jay yells.

"I was afraid that you're gonna left me," you confess softly.

Jay scoffs, "So I guess it's okay if you're the one who left, right??"

Tears start to fall down on your cheek, but you keep swallowing your cries. "I'm sorry that I was, unequivocally, selfish." you truthfully admit. That's the real reason, the biggest mistake you made. You know it from the start.

Jay looks away from you, "What do you expect for me to do now, Y/N? What do you expect from us?"

"I thought there were several ways this would go. I just don't know which one you will take," you meekly answer.

"Oh, now you're asking me to choose? Why didn't you let me know that I got options before? Before we start sleeping together? Before I fall in love with you?" Jay gestures wildly with his arms.

"I'm sorry," you don't know anything else to say.

Jay feels suffocated. He is angry, upset, and he feels like punching something. He definitely doesn't want to be near you now.

"I hope you're happy with your life in Amsterdam." Jay finally says to you. His wish sounds so hollow. Then he leaves you there, standing outside Molly's by yourself.

◢◤

Kelly keeps his eyes on you since you walk outside Molly's with Jay. He watches as Jay gets more agitated. Kelly starts to move closer to the door in case intervention is needed. When Jay left, Kelly waits until you come back in. You, however, just stand there, not moving, looking in the direction where Jay walked away. He comes out and slowly approaches you. "Y/N?" Kelly calls your name hesitantly.

You cannot hold it any longer. Your dam broke. You sob hard, almost crumble to the ground if Kelly isn't there to catch you. You cry hysterically on Kelly's chest. "I got you, sis, I got you." Kelly rubs his hand on your arm, trying to slightly comfort you. Few minutes have gone, you don't look even remotely calm down. He can see that both of you start to catch people's attention on the street. Kelly thought that he should take you home now. Matt seems to agree since he comes out with your purse and coat. "Let's get you home."

Kelly, with Matt's help, gets you in his car slowly. You lay your head to the side window as Kelly drives down the road. You are thinking about how mad Jay with you right now. How you totally deserve his anger. How disappointed the Intelligence Unit would be at you. How Will would probably hate you forever. Your chest aches with all the guilts.

When Kelly arrives at your building, he finds that you fell asleep. All that crying must've exhausted you. Kelly carries you up to your apartment, slightly grateful that he's a firefighter. It certainly made this a bit easier. Once he reaches your bedroom, he puts you down on your bed, pulls off your shoes, and covers you down with the duvet. You're still hiccuping in your sleep. Kelly tries to find aspirin on your bathroom cabinet. Most of your things were already packed. So it's quite lucky that Kelly could find some left. He sets a glass of water and the aspirin on the bedside table and turns the lamp off. Kelly leaves the door slightly open and goes lay down on your couch, trying to sleep.

◢◤

Jay drives aimlessly in his car. He's not sure where to go, doesn't know what to do. Jay only knows that he is angry. He cannot believe that you're leaving him. And telling him on the eve of your departure?? He never thought you'd be so cruel. He thought you loved him. He thought he has a future with you. Maybe he was thinking too far ahead, but he already fell hard.

Jay cannot think straight. He is a bit worried that he will do something stupid. So he calls Will and is relieved when Will picks up on a second ring. "Where are you?" Jay harshly asks without any greeting.

Will, who is clueless about the situation, answers annoyingly, "Well, hello to you too, brother. I'm doing fine, thanks for asking,"

"Where are you, Will?" Jay repeats the question firmly.

Will finally understands this isn't a social call. "At home. Are you okay, Jay?"

Jay couldn't come to Will's place in his current state. He would've woken up Owen. "Could you meet me at my place?" Jay pleads to his brother.

Hearing the helpless tone in there, Will only has one answer to it, "I'll be there soon."

When Will gets to his brother's place, he tries the door and finds it unlocked. It raises his suspicion. "Jay?" he calls out into the apartment.

Will finds Jay sitting on the couch, holding a glass in hand. A bottle of whiskey is on the table. Will is quite convinced that the bottle has never been opened before, but now it's half empty. Jay sniffs and then brokenly says to Will, "Y/N left me."

Will obviously is shocked, "What? Why?"

"Apparently, she wasn't planning to stay in the first place. Soon as she could, she left! Back home! To fucking Amsterdam!" Jay starts to shout. "She knew she's going to leave. But she never said anything. I've totally been played", Jay says somberly to his glass.

Will tries to understand the situation, but he cannot make sense of it, "She probably didn't mean that. Maybe something happened there that required her to go?"

"Said she hated the city.", Jay recalls the conversation.

"What??" Will's not sure to believe his hearing right now.

"Said I'm not good enough reason for her to stay. Why, Will?? Why did everybody leave me?? What should I do so they could keep loving me??" Jay yells exasperatedly. "I love her, Will! Said she loved me too, but she left? Did she lie to me??" Jay ragingly throws his glass to the wall.

Will just sits beside his brother, not sure if he can say anything to comfort him. He watches his brother emptying the bottle until Jay's passed out on the couch.

◢◤

You wake up in the middle of the night. Your head is pounding as you tried to remember what happened. When you do, suddenly your chest is tightened, it's hard to breathe. You try to grab your phone. You feel like calling Jay and beg for his forgiveness. But your hand is shaking so hard, your phone falls out of your hand.

The noises wake Kelly up. He quickly steps into your room and sees you breathe erratically. He puts his hand on your shoulder and tells you to take a deep breath, hold it, and let it out. Few rounds of guided breath, you start to get calmer. Kelly then sees your phone on the floor with Jay's contact on display. You look at Kelly, "What have I done, Kel? I let Jay walked out of my life. I let my love walked away. I cannot do anything about it".

Kelly thought that you could just stay here. That you have lots of people here who love you as much. That Chicago could be your home too. But he doesn't say anything. You need to understand this by yourself. Telling this now would only rattle you further. Kelly just puts his arm around your shoulder and lets you rest your head on his shoulder.

When morning comes, you and Kelly sit on the kitchen island with coffee mugs in hand. "I could ask Chief Boden for an hour break to take you to the airport." Kelly offers.

"Nah. The Squad needs you more," you reject it. "I already booked a cab anyway." You stand up to refill your mug.

Kelly puts his cup on the sink. "I gotta go so I could be on time for my shift," He gives you a long hug and a brotherly kiss on top of your head. "You're gonna be okay. You can call me anytime you want. When you feel better, you have to come to visit again." You just silently nod your agreement.

◢◤

Jay wakes up on the couch. He sees the empty bottle of whiskey on the table. By the persistent hammers on his head, Jay knows that he is the only one who drank it. He gets up from the couch to move into his bed, but then he finds Will is sleeping on it. Jay is certain that his brother will ask a lot of questions that he's not ready to answer yet. So Jay decides to go to work early before Will wakes up.

Jay is the first one to arrive at the 21st District. He boots up his computer and opens up cold cases. Trying to find anything to distract him from thinking about his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend, he corrects himself bitterly. One by one, his colleagues arrive. They're all surprised to see him working on his desk this early, except for Antonio, who has a better idea of what's happening. Adam is the first one to let Jay know of their confusion. "Well, look at you, Detective Halstead. Working hard this early morning. What are you working on anyway? I don't know that we already have a case."

Jay doesn't give him any response. Adam looks at Jay's desk, trying to figure it out. "Cold cases? Hmmm, interesting. Did your girlfriend kick you out of bed? That's why you came to work early, Halstead?" Adam jokes. Jay stands up from his chair quickly and pushes Adam to the nearest wall, his arm presses on Adam's neck. Around them, everybody yells and tries to break it off. Jay still says nothing and keeps pushing Adam. It takes Antonio, Kevin, and Hailey to pull Jay away from Adam while Kim helps Adam stand up.

"Walk it off, Halstead," Antonio orders Jay. Jay still gives Adam a murderous look. "Go. Walk it off. Before Voight hears about this," Antonio tells Jay again.

"Voight hears about what?" Suddenly they find their Team Leader comes in. Nobody moves or says anything. Voight assesses the situation. He sees the stiffness in Jay's body language and bewilderment on Adam's face. "Are you going to be able to work today, Halstead?" Voight asks Jay.

"Absolutely, Sarge," Jay answers boldly.

"If you're not, you better step out for the day. I don't need to clean up your mess too," Voight tries to give Jay an out.

"I won't make any mess," Jay promises him. Voight gives Jay a long look, "Alright, let's get to work."

They're working on a case of illegal arms dealing. Atwater finds out that some parts of the guns are stashed at an abandoned warehouse. When the team checks out the place, a few people try to flee from the warehouse. The team takes them down quickly, but one got away. "We got a runner. Heading northwest," Adam calls on his radio. Realizing that he is the closest, Jay runs to catch the guy. Soon Jay sees the perp trying to climb on a fence.

"Police! Freeze!" Jay shouts and points his gun at the perp, but the guy just keeps on climbing. Jay pulls him down hard. When the perp is on the ground, he tries to throw a punch at Jay. They then get into a tussle. Once Jay gets the upper hand, he beats the guy down. He keeps hitting until Antonio grabs Jay's shoulders and drags him away from the perp. "Enough, Halstead! You're going to kill him". Jay suddenly comes to awareness. He sits down on the ground with his bloody knuckles. Jay's not even sure if it is his own blood or the perp. He just feels numb.

Voight comes to his line of view. "You're gonna take the rest of the week off. Set your head straight."

"No, Sarge. I'm fine!" Jay insists.

"You said you won't make any mess, but here we are," Voight says, gesturing to the almost unconscious perp to make his point. "Go. I don't wanna see you again until next Monday." He dismisses Jay.

Jay looks down on the ground until he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see Antonio crouches down in front of him. "I don't know if this is the right way, but rather than beating people up, let's just spar. You name the time and place, I'll be there."

Jay nods at his offer, "I might take you up on that."

"Good. I expect you too," replies Antonio before he left in Voight's direction.

Jay goes home to sleep off his broken heart. When he wakes up, he texts Antonio, asks him to spar after he finishes work. Antonio replies with his confirmation immediately.

They spar at the gym for about two hours. Jay feels a bit better after that. On his way out, Antonio claps his hand on Jay's shoulder. "You doing well, man?"

"Yeah, I guess I need that. Thanks for your help," Jay returns earnestly.

"Anytime you want to get punch, just give me a call," Antonio smirks back as he leaves the gym.

Jay checks his phone before he drives home. He sees that he got one missed call and one voicemail. Jay halts when he sees your name on the phone. His thumb hovers on the delete button before he decides to listen to your message. "Hey, Jay. I..", he hears a long pause on the other end. Jay even checks if the message is ended or else. But then he hears you continue, "Thank you for allowing me to be in your life these past few months. I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

It's been almost 6 months since you left Chicago. You spent those months working yourself to the bones as a way to forget Jay. It certainly was not a successful attempt, but at least you were too busy to think about him. You accepted Alex's idea to make a duo project and lazily named it "alex&y/n". You both started doing gigs at various clubs around the world. Pyramid, Alex's record company where you work for, continuously releases new sounds that you discovered. You keep writing and producing songs after songs. Really, your career is flourished. But deep inside, you're empty.

You never had a chance to go back to Chicago. Part of you was relieved that you don't have to deal with it yet. The other part of you was missing it so much. You might only stay four months in Chicago, but somehow the city (and its people) have marked their place in your heart.

You love Amsterdam. It's still your home, but its charm hasn't called you as it did before. Sure, you have your parents here. But you only got to meet them twice a week at best. Your work and their jobs don't leave lots of time to be together. Also, even though you have most of your friends in the city, you don't get to hang out with them all the time since you travel a lot for work. You get to make new friends along the way instead, just like you did in Chicago.

Case in point, you are currently in Norway, working on a song with Oliver Dahl, the number #1 DJ in the country.

Oliver's home studio is one of the best places you ever work in. The studio setup is practically the same as the one Pyramid has. But Oliver has a baby grand piano on one corner where through the window, you can see a tranquil lake with a green forest on its side. The view is calming and inspiring. So although Oliver is a much better pianist than you, you park yourself there and relegate him to a Korg keyboard.

"Hey, it's almost dinner time. Let's take a break," Oliver suggests to you. He guides you out from the studio and moves downstairs to his kitchen. The glass-paneled dining room has a door that leads to the back porch. You thought the view from the studio was great, but the view from down here is even better. You sit on a swing at the porch, take a deep breath of fresh air there.

Oliver comes out with two bottles of beer and hands you one, which you gladly accept. You switch your phone back on since you didn't want to be disturbed when you were working. It relentlessly buzzes once it's on. "Well, somebody is famous," teases Oliver.

You peek at your phone screen before grimacing at him, "Sorry. Nick needs something. I gotta call him back." You walk a few steps away from the porch. Without the roof over your head, you can feel slight drops of rain on your face. "Hey, boss. How's the meeting in Brussels go?"

"Infuriatingly slow. That is why I'm calling. I was hoping you can help us," Nick replies. He didn't sound too worried, so you thought it's going to be an easy request "Sure. What is it?"

"Alex was supposed to have a phone interview with one of Chicago radio show, to talk about the new single of alex&y/n. Since our meeting here runs longer, could you do it in his stead? I know you don't like doing an unprepared interview, but I promise it won't be long, 15 minutes max."

"Alright, I'll do that." It's not like you can say no anyway.

"Great! I'll set it up. It's going to be in an hour. So don't mute your phone." Nick reminds you.

"I won't. It probably falls during our dinner here. I can keep my phone on."

"Thanks, y/n," Nick hangs up the call.

◢◤

Joe Cruz walks into the common-room of Firehouse 51 with his phone on hand. "Guys, Chicago Top 40 is interviewing Y/N right now!"

"Turn the volume up. I cannot hear it from here," Mouch complains from the couch as he mutes the tv. Joe pushes the side button of his phone and sets the volume to the max. Everyone continues doing their things quietly as they listen to the interview.

"We got one half of alex&y/n on the phone with us here. Dare I say the prettier half. Let's say hi to Y/N!" They hear the radio host cheers from Joe's phone.

"Hi, how are you doing?" you chuckle and greet back.

"We're all good here, thank you. So please tell us more about the latest single of alex&y/n? How did you guys come up with it?"

"We started writing this song probably about 8 months ago. I was in Chicago at the time actually," you start to explain.

"Oh, really? I didn't know you were in town," the host shortly interrupts.

"Yeah, it was back before we had any idea for this project. Alex came up with it when we made this song. It was supposed to be the first single of alex&y/n. But when I came back to Amsterdam, we wrote "Void" The team decided that it fitted better as the first single. Hence this song "Fiery Love" got pushed to be the second one."

The conversation regarding the song and the duo project goes on for another ten minutes before the interviewer wraps it up. Joe is about to close the radio app when he sees Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton step into the common-room of Firehouse 51.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, Y/N," says the host on air. "What time is it anyway in your place right now? I haven't got a chance to ask where you are,"

Joe's thumb stills above his phone screen. "It's almost 7 PM in Bergen, Norway," you inform the radio. Jay stiffens as he hears your voice.

"Oh, you got a gig there tonight?" the host asks curiously.

"No. Just a bit writing and studio session," you answer vaguely.

"It must've been in a studio with a view, unlike our four wall booth here," the host retorts.

You snicker quietly, "If I could, I'd trade you in a heartbeat,"

"Oh, stop it! You're too kind," the host says, thinking you're jesting.

You let out a tiny laugh, "But no, I'm serious. I wish I didn't leave Chicago," you admit candidly on air. Totally unbeknownst to the strained atmosphere in the Firehouse 51 common-room.

"Come visit soon. We'll show you our fancy dig here," the radio host returns jokingly. Joe finally decides to close the radio app, as Matt Casey addresses their guests. "Detectives, how can we help you?"

Jay looks at his partner, neglecting the fact that everyone in the room is watching him, "Can you handle this by yourself? I.. I think I left my phone in the car," Hailey is sure that Jay didn't leave his phone, but she gives him an understanding nod.

"We need to see Chief Boden," Hailey answers Matt. He then guides her to the Chief's office. When both detectives are out of range, Hermann asks the room, "It was a bit awkward, wasn't it?" Everyone ignores Hermann's comment and back doing things they did before. Kelly Severide determinedly stands up from his seat and goes outside. He finds Jay standing in front of the squad truck.

"Hey, man," Kelly greets him. Jay just nods to acknowledge him. After a few moments of silence, Kelly breaks first, "She always asks about you whenever she calls."

Jay scoffs his disbelief, "Yeah, right."

"She is not a brave girl, Jay. But she really loves you. She still regrets hurting you." Kelly tells him. Jay stays silent, taking in Kelly's words. "I don't think she's doing well out there." Kelly continues. Jay glances at him before opening his mouth to say something. But at the same time, Hailey comes out with Matt. "Let's go," she tells Jay. He nods at Matt and leaves with her without saying anything.

As both detectives walk away, Kelly shouts to Jay, "Will you pick up? If she calls you?"

Jay halts and looks over his shoulder. Not sure what to answer, he just shrugs in response.

◢◤

The following week, you find yourself working alone in Alex's studio. You go through some demos, try to find a song that you'd like to work on. The door is suddenly opened and reveals Alex and Nick coming in.

"You planning on going home tonight?" Alex says as he hands you a mug of hot tea. It's not unusual for you to stay all night working. While it was beneficial for the company, your well being is still his priority.

"Maybe," you just shrug as you accept the mug. "Thanks. So what's up?"

"I got an offer for alex&y/n gig for an EDM festival," Nick starts. "What do you think about it?"

"Cool, I guess.." you answer indifferently.

"Yeah?" Alex tries to reconfirm your agreement. You never play a festival before, so far alex&y/n only do club gigs. Even though you're basically doing the same thing, the stage and crowd size sometimes could be overwhelming, especially for someone who doesn't like to perform live.

"Uhuh," you nod before sipping your tea.

"Don't you wanna know where it will be?" Nick pushes.

"No," you say in disinterest, already looking back at your laptop. Nick raises his eyebrow questioningly towards Alex, which he answers with a subtle nod. "Alright then, I'm gonna go home now. You two get some rest. We'll talk again tomorrow," Nick informs you before leaving the room.

Alex drags a chair and sits next to you. "Talk to me. Please"

"There's nothing to talk about," you reply to your cup. Alex nudges you. Once. Twice. Thrice. "Stop it!" you scold him as you roll your chair away.

"You know I can do this all night until you talk to me," Alex says as he slides closer to you.

You exhale loudly in defeat before quietly tell him, "It's just... I'm exhausted."

Somehow he knows that you're not only talking about your body. "I'll talk to Nick. We can cancel the rest of alex&y/n gigs,"

"You know we can't," you rebuff his idea.

"We might be able to do that if I offer to take them instead?" Alex offers a solution.

"And let you be the one who burnout? Hell no," you deny his suggestion. You tiredly rub your face with your palm, "It's alright, Lex. I should have just suck it up and do it,"

Both of you stay silent for a moment. You pick your tea mug from the table when Alex unsurely speaks again, "That gig Nick talked about is in Chicago," You freeze up until Alex prods you, "Still wanna do it?"

"What do you think?" you weakly ask for his opinion.

"I think we should do it. It'd be fun. We can try to arrange a few days off. You can take me to your favorite places in Chicago, meet your friends.." Alex tells you. It sounds nice, makes you want to say yes. But you still have doubt in the back of your mind. "It's been months, y/n. Time for you to face it. Face Jay." Alex continues as if he knows your thought.

"I can't!" you shake your head in resign. "And why is that?" Alex pushes further.

"Because I still love him!" you forcefully drop your mug on the table, the tea splashes out of it.

"Then tell that to Jay! Don't make the same mistake as you did before!" Alex yells back at you. You instantly feel like you've been slapped.

Avoiding Alex's stare, you start to pack up your things from the table. "I think I need to go home now. Don't think I can work on anything tonight." You grab your jacket and hastily walked out of the studio.

A couple hours later, Alex comes by to your place with a canvas bag on his shoulder, "I got a box of chocolate and a six-pack of La Trappe Tripel here,"

"I don't think they can help me feel better this time," you quip as you open the door for him. Alex pulls the beers and chocolate out from the bag and puts them on the coffee table in front of the couch. He reaches again to the bag, "Don't worry, I come prepared. Got jenever in here too," He sets the bottle next to the chocolate. You go to the kitchen and bring out two clean glasses.

"Are we starting right away?" Alex asks you in confusion.

"Are you waiting for something else?" you start to open one of the beer bottles.

"Don't you want to eat dinner first? Or maybe have bitterballen to snack on?" Alex suggests to you. You open the chocolate box and pop one candy into your mouth. "There, I ate something," you declare sarcastically before sipping the beer in your hand.

"Okay then," Alex accepts his defeat. He goes to your kitchen and sees what you have on your fridge. "You don't mind if I finish this leftover stew, right?" he hollers at you as he puts the container in the microwave.

You snort your answer, "Go ahead. It's not like you need permission to raid my pantry anyway,"

Alex comes back with a bowl of stew and sits next to you on the couch. You fiddle with your phone for a bit before a ballad song playing on your home speaker. Alex starts to talk about various things as he eats, updating you about his sister Sara, his meeting in Belgium. He even lets you know what he had for lunch today. He keeps talking because he knows you're not gonna say anything.

Alex cracks open his second beer while you finish your third one and start to pour the gin into your glass. "I'll Be Over You" by Toto is playing on your speaker. Alex exasperatedly rolls his eyes, thinking that his best friend could really be dramatic sometimes. You sprawl on the couch with your feet on top of Alex's lap. "What if he's moved on?" you say after long contemplation, ready to tackle more serious conversation. "Ready" as in drunk enough to talk about it.

"Well, you face that with head held high and moved on too," Alex replies. "Easier said than done, I know."

"Big chance he doesn't want to see me anyway," you mutter to yourself. But Alex still answers you, "Maybe. Maybe not. You'll never know without going there,"

◢◤

It's been 7 months since you left Chicago and Jay Halstead still kept your last voicemail on his phone. Even when he's so mad at you, Jay never had the heart to delete it. Because somewhere deep inside, he could hear your sincerity. Jay is desperate to believe that you honestly love him and care about him.

Before Severide approached him the other day, nobody ever talked to Jay about his ex-girlfriend. Jay never apologized for pushing Adam. His friends guessed that his relationship ended, but no one ever said anything about it. His brother always abruptly changed the radio whenever your song was played on-air, acting all annoyed. But he knows Will is secretly still a fan of your music, just not in front of Jay. He thinks they're all worried that talking about you would raise his temper. But the truth is Jay misses you.

After his anger passed by, Jay could understand your position. You were left alone, befriending strangers in some city that far from home. While Jay understood that you missed home, he's still disappointed over the fact that you didn't tell him sooner. But it already happened, you made your choice. Now Jay is left with a bruised heart and silently pined over his ex.

Jay is lost in his thoughts. He jolts in surprise when he feels something cold and wet on his cheek. Jay looks up to find Will, who hands him a glass of beer. "How is the game going? Anything interesting happens when I'm gone?" Will asks Jay as he sits and looks down to the ice rink. They are at the United Center arena, watching a Blackhawks game.

"Nah, you don't miss much," Jay tells his brother. "Thanks for taking me here, man."

"It's nothing. I want to do something for your birthday, but since I have to work double shifts tomorrow, we just have to celebrate early." Will raises his glass for a toast. The brothers shout wildly during the game, chant together with other spectators in the stadium, basically having a good time. When the game is on a break, Will and Jay trade a light banter between each other. The jumbotron above plays adverts that they ignore.

"This summer, coming back to the Soldier Field Arena.  
We proudly present, Spring Awakening Music Festival!  
Featuring..."

When they hear the ad's narrator mentions "alex&y/n" Jay spontaneously looks up at the jumbotron. There was a picture of you and Alex, standing back to back, staring hard through the camera. Even with the cold gaze and unsmiling face, Jay still thought you look good. The announcement was certainly a surprise. Jay remembered when you told him that you don't like to perform in front of crowds. Now here you are, headlining a big stage. Time's changed, he thinks to himself.

Jay keeps looking at the gigantic screen, even though now it's showing another ad. If anyone asks him, Jay cannot tell what this new ad is about. His mind is busy thinking about ~~something/~~ someone else. Will glances at his brother and notices the tightness of Jay's shoulders. "I won't come to see them, even if they give me free tickets," he remarks wittily. Jay burst out a laugh and elbow his brother, "Thanks, man." he is grateful for his brother's understanding.

◢◤

Jay wakes up late the next morning. He spent the night listening to your podcasts and fell asleep with your voice on his ears. Seeing you on the jumbotron made him missed you more. His phone battery was drained, his alarm didn't ring. It's only because of habits from his ranger days that he woke up and gets ready in time to go to work.

Just as he walks out of his place, a delivery man is stopping him. "I got a package for Jay Halstead?"

"Yeah, that's me," Jay says distractedly, trying to recall if he orders anything online. The guy hands him a bag and a receipt form. Jay skims the paper before signing it. On the shipper box, it is stated, "Belgian Chocolatier Piron, Inc." He returns the signed form to the courier. "Thank you. Have a nice day, Sir", chirps the man. Jay pauses slightly, looking at the bag, before running to his car once remembers that he's late for work.

Once Jay arrives at the district, he puts the suspicious package on his desk. He opens the bag cautiously and pulls out a golden cardboard box with a black bow tied around it. He digs deeper into the bag but finds nothing more, no notes or cards, just this golden box.

"You got a box of Piron?! Can I have one? Please?" Jay hears Kim Burgess squeals at him.

"What the hell is a Piron?" Adam Ruzek asks loudly from behind her. Kim starts to pull the bow, but Jay moves the box away quickly. "I don't even know who it's from. We should be careful. I'll send it to the lab.."

"Is that Piron?!" Hailey Upton shrieks as she steps closer to Jay's desk.

"What? You know about this Piron too?" Adam baffles even further.

"They are like one of the best chocolatiers in town." Hailey impatiently explains to Adam. "Is it yours, Jay?" She sounds rather demanding than asking.

"Yes, it's Jay's. And he wants to bring it to the forensic lab. Unbelievable..." Kim says disapprovingly.

"I don't even know who send it! Aren't you worried if it turns out to be a bomb or a deadly virus?" Jay tries to reason to his teammates, who are now circling around him.

"What bomb?" They all jump in surprise when they hear Voight from behind them.

"Ah, it's nothing, Sarge. There are no bombs anywhere. At least not in the city of Chicago... Maybe..." Jay rambles.

"Are you gonna open that box, Halstead?" Voight cuts him off, pointing at the innocent box.

"I'm not sure, Sarge," Jay meekly admits. Voight pulls the black bow that was half undone because of Kim and opens the box gently. "Oh no, it's a bomb," Adam whispers as he hides behind Kevin Atwater but peeks over his shoulder. The girls are excitedly bouncing on their heels, seeing the rows of chocolate inside the box. Voight takes one and confidently bites into it. "You should never waste good chocolate. By the way, happy birthday, Jay." He pats Jay's shoulder before stepping toward his office. Jay gives Voight a small smile, though he still confounds about the situation.

Jay looks at the rest of the team. Hailey bites a candy on her right hand as she picks another with her left. Kim got half-bitten chocolate on her fingers. Her eyes were closed as she savors the taste. Adam's hand hovers above the box, cautiously looking at his teammates, "You girls feel okay? No dizziness, nausea, anything?" His questions were left unanswered since the girls were too busy munching.

Kevin offers Jay a handshake and continues with a quick hug, "Happy birthday, bro!" Jay clasps his shoulder, "Thanks, Kev,"

"So someone sent you this as a birthday gift, huh? Quite special, isn't it?" Kevin picks one candy from the box.

"I guess. If only I knew who sent it..." Jay wonders. He also takes one piece of chocolate and nibbles into it. The bittersweet taste suddenly reminds him of a particular someone. At the same time, his phone chirps on his desk. Jay checks his phone and finds a voice memo from an unknown, international number. He moves to a quieter place and listens to the message.

"Hi, Jay," Jay holds his breath, recognizing the voice on the other end. "It's me, y/n... I just want to wish you a happy birthday... Hope you enjoy the chocolate," He waits as you hesitate to continue. "Err... Stay safe, alright? I love you." As if just realizing what you've said, Jay hears you curse in panic, "oh shi.." and the message briskly ends.


	11. Chapter 11

Jay hangs out at Molly's after a good day at work. The bar is packed with familiar faces from Firehouse 51 and The Med. He sits down at a table with Hailey and Adam, talking about dull things, enjoying his drink.

"Jay, did you ever find out who sent you that box of chocolate on your birthday last month?" Hailey curiously asks him.

"Oh, you mean the one that you and Kim confiscated?" Jay teases her.

"Yeah, yeah, you wouldn't even open it if we didn't force you," Hailey rolls her eyes. "So, did you know who gave it to you?"

Jay's lips twitch with a barely-there smile, "Yeah, I did,"

"Who was it?" Adam asks nosily.

"A friend," Jay replies vaguely.

"You have friends other than us?" Hailey mocks him. "I'm shocked!"

"Hey, I'll have you know, I am a social butterfly. I got friends in many places," Jay points his finger at his coworkers who are busy laughing at him.

Adam sobers up from the laugh first and sees Kelly Severide approaching their table, "Hey, man!"

Kelly grins at Adam and Hailey, "Hey, guys!" before beckons to Jay, "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Jay is confused but follows Kelly anyway to a quieter corner of the bar. He waits until Kelly starts to speak. "I'm not sure if you know this, but Y/N will be in town next week," Jay stiffens as he hears his ex's name, but Kelly continues as if he didn't see it. "I know that she made a big mistake, and you probably still hate her," Kelly opens his hands in a placating manner, ".. but I'm not trying to play sides here. It's just.. she asked me to give you this," Kelly pulls an envelope from his jacket pocket. "It's two tickets for their show at Soldier Field next week, including the backstage passes. You can do whatever you want with them, man. If you want to use them, she'll be thrilled. If you want to burn them, she'll understand," He hands the envelope to Jay, who hesitantly takes it. "She's scheduled to arrive on Friday night and supposedly stays at The Langham for the weekend. But she hinted that she will try to crash at my place," Kelly informs him further.

"Why are you telling me this? What do you expect me to do?" bemuses Jay.

"I'm not telling you to do anything. I understand that you have a hard time these past months. But I also know it was not easy for Y/N as well. This might be a chance for you to clear any niggling questions you have." Kelly pats Jay's shoulder before walks out of Molly's.

Jay slowly steps back to their table. Hailey immediately grills him, "What was that about?"

Jay shakes his head to answer his friend, "It's nothing important." He puts the envelope in his back pocket, trying to forget the conversation.

◢◤

The days sneak up on Jay. Without him knowing, it's already Saturday evening. He sits on a couch at home, staring at the envelope on the table, thinking about what he should do. He knows what he wants to do, but he is not sure if it's the right thing to do. Jay bounces his foot restlessly before he decides to call Will.

"Hey, what are you doing tonight?" Jay asks Will straight away once the call is connected.

Unbothered by Jay's rude manner, Will replies shortly, "Watching Netflix. Why?"

"I need you to go someplace with me," demands Jay.

"I'm on stand by. I cannot go too long or too far away from Med." Will explains.

"I'll drive you with sirens on if they call you. Please, Will?"

Will is never immune to his brother's pleadings, so naturally, he agrees. "Okay, then. When are you going to pick me up?"

"I'm leaving my place now. You go get ready," Jay grabs his keys and walks out to his car.

◢◤

Once Will sits comfortably in Jay's car, he begins to ask, "So, where are we going?"

"Soldier Field." he hears Jay's clipped reply. Will starts to put the pieces together when he remembers that alex&y/n playing there tonight. He tries to reconfirm his guess, "Isn't that where..."

"Yep," Jay curtly nods without leaving his gaze from the road.

Will raises his eyebrows, "So you're going to see her?"

"I don't know," Jay shrugs his reply.

Will confronts him further, "Is that why you brought me? To help you decide?"

"No, I asked you to come because I know you're a fan of Y/N and her music," Jay patiently explains his reason.

Will never admits that fact before, but his brother seems to catch it anyway. Jay always tenses up whenever someone mentions his ex's name. Thus Will thought it's wiser to leave him be. But this time, it's Jay who chose to bring it out.

"But I told you before, I won't go to see the show," Will tries to remind Jay. He wants Jay to understand that he is here for his brother.

Instead, Jay tells him, "I know. That's why I brought you."

Will sighs loudly, "You're so confusing."

Stopping at an intersection, Jay grins widely at Will, "Just enjoy it, man."

◢◤

The first time Jay opens the envelope is in front of an usher who stands by the entrance gate. He shows the tickets to him and lets the usher guides them to the Guest Check-In area.

"Where did you get those tickets? Did Y/N give you that?" Will asks Jay as they stand in front of the check-in booth. Jay simply ignores Will's interrogations.

"Hello, good evening. May I see your tickets and ID, please?" greets the young man behind the booth. Jay silently gives the tickets and his driving license to the man. He checks them for a moment then input something on a laptop in front of him. Soon he returns Jay's ID back along with two gold wristbands. "Here's your wristband. Please tighten it on your hand, so you don't lose it," He pulls out a colorful map and circles several spots as he details further, "You can access the Guest Area here, on the east side of VIP seats. To access the backstage, you need to go to the north side area and ask the officials there for the backstage entrance. Is there anything else I can do for you, Sir?"

"No, thank you." Jay folds the map and puts it in his back pocket.

The man smiles politely and bids them goodbye, "Have a good time, Mr. Halstead."

The sky looks clear, tints in beautiful orange as the sun just set. They quickly find the Guest Area and the VIP seats. The seats are on an elevated section, which definitely gets a better view of the stage. The stage is dark now, but Jay can see it's bustling with some preparation. The Guest Area looks inviting. It has a private bar and a few food stalls. "This is very nice," remarks Will as he takes in his surrounding. He almost sounds impressed until he remembers from whom Jay got the tickets. "Nope. I ain't falling for this stunt! Does she think these extravagant things could lead her back to you?" Will shakes his head and declares passionately. He sulks on his way to find a spot with the perfect view of the stage.

Smirking at Will's antic, Jay pacifies his brother, "I think she just wants us to have a good time,"

Before Will can respond, the stage suddenly lit up. Laser and neon lights shine blindingly. In front of the stage, the crowd starts to clap and yell excitedly. As the intro begins to play, Jay looks down at the sea of people below him, shouting Alex's and your name.

"What's up, Chicagooooooo!" Alex cheers as he shows up on the stage, then soon followed by you. The crowd goes even wilder. You and Alex open with the first song, jumping lightly to the beat. Between a gap to the second song, Alex greets the crowd. "Chicago! It's so good to be here tonight" He leaves the beat playing in the background. "It is even better to have my best friend here with me. Would you please make some noise for Y/N!" The crowd hoots loudly. You answer them with a grin and a quick wave. "I hope you're also having the best time with your friends. Or maybe even make new friends. So now, let's party!!" Alex puts the microphone down and begins to play the next song. You and Alex play together for about 30 minutes before Alex leaves the stage. You keep the crowds going with your songs and remixes.

"Is it just me, or she doesn't look like she's enjoying it?" Will yells at Jay's ear. The music is so loud, it's practically impossible to speak over the thumping beats and sing-along crowd. Jay also notices the same thing Will said. It was really subtle. The crowd probably won't see it. But since Jay solely pays his attention to you, he can see that you're looking a bit tired. After another 30 minutes passed, Alex comes back on stage as you go off.

Alex plays solo for about 45 minutes before you come back to the stage. They play together again for a few songs until Alex grabs the microphone, "This is our last ten minutes... We are alex&y/n. We hope you enjoyed our music tonight... You guys are fucking amazing! We love you!" The crowds shout back in response.

When they reach the outro, Alex helps you get up on the table before getting himself up. Both of you bow and send air kisses goodbye to the crowds. The confetti bursts on the stage as fireworks explode beautifully to the sky. Soon as the last note goes, Alex jumps down from the table and helps you down. The stage then goes completely dark again. The crowds start to break. Some move away slowly from the stage. Others decide to sit in front of the stage and wait for the next act.

Will nudges Jay and asks, "You're gonna use that backstage pass?"

"No. Let's just go home," Jay sounds certain, but his eyes don't leave the dark stage, as if he still can see you there.

"They are actually amazing," Will comments about the show as Jay drives him back to his place. "I mean, I know they sound good. But the show was apparently better. Thank you for taking me tonight, bro."

"You know you can talk to her, right? You don't have to avoid her for me," Jay tells his brother.

Will clasps his hand on Jay's shoulder. "I know. But you're my brother. She hurts you. I'm not ready to forgive her yet."

◢◤

After you get off the stage, it doesn't take long for the entourage to leave the venue. Alex is whining that he's hungry. The time just passed 11 PM, so you take them to one of your favorite late-night eateries in Chicago. You also pick this place because it's only three blocks from Kelly's home. Thus, once everyone is done eating, they drop you off at Kelly's before they go back to the hotel.

Kelly knows that you're coming, so he's not surprised when he hears knocks on his door at 1 AM. But you are the one who is surprised when you see some folks from Firehouse 51 there. You hang out with them, talking and laughing until almost dawn. Some of them decide to go home. Others prefer to catch a wink before leaving. The sleeping arrangement becomes a challenge when there are more people than available beds. You finally get to shut your eyes on Kelly's couch just as the sun rises.

The persistent knocks on the door wake you up from your slumber. Half asleep, you come to the door, expecting Sylvie or Joe coming with brunch since they chose to go home last night.

When the door is opened, you blink a few times, not trusting your eyes. Is that really.. "Jay?" you whisper cautiously, wondering if you're still dreaming.

"Hi, Y/N," Jay lets out a nervous smile. You stare at each other for a while, uncertain of what to say. Before Jay gestures to the door, "May I come in?"

"Uhm, yeah, sure. Please. Come in," You stammer as you open the door wider to let Jay in. When you remember that you're still in your sleepwear of a tank top and cotton shorts, you insecurely put on a sweatshirt from your duffel near the couch.

You see Jay looking around the living room. It isn't messy, but it isn't exactly pristine either. They did bare minimum clean-up before went to bed, but you still can see remnants of the get-together. "Did you sleep there?" Jay refers to the unmade couch.

You let out a small giggle as you walk to the kitchen to make coffees, "Drew a short stick on the sleeping arrangement,"

Jay laughs at you, "Why did you sleep on a couch when you have a heavenly bed at the Langham?"

You're a bit surprised that Jay knew where you should've stayed, "Huh, guess Kelly told you that?" The question feels a bit rhetorical, so you don't expect Jay to give any response. "Would you like a cup?" You offer Jay, gesturing to the brewing coffee when he follows you to the kitchen.

"Please," Jay nods then sits on the chair by the counter. Both of you stay silent as you prepare the coffee. You wonder why Jay is here, but you are afraid to ask. When the coffee's brewed, you fix Jay's cup first and hand it to him before filling yours. "Thanks," Jay says as he accepts the cup. You stay on the other side of the counter as you sip into your cup. You feel like saying something, but you don't know what. Should you ask what's Jay doing here? Would Jay accept if you apologize to him again?

After a few awkward seconds, Jay speaks first. "Your show last night was great. Even got Will to jump and dance,"

That actually surprises you, "You came?"

"Of course we did. Will is a fan of yours." He says like it's a fact. Like it's the only reason he came.

You scoff your disagreement, "Right, I doubt that Will is a fan of me,"

"Will likes your music." Jay differs.

"Now that is something I can believe. But I'm pretty sure Will still hates me," you chuckle despairingly.

Jay takes his time to counter your claim, "Will doesn't hate you. He just... felt like he should. Because of me."

"What about you?" you hesitantly ask. "I understand if you're still mad at me. I just wish I can do something to fix it.."

When Jay gives no answer, you kick yourself in your head, thinking you've really screwed this up.

"When are you leaving?" Jay asks instead after a minute pause. You can hear the imply "again" at the end of the question.

Softly sigh to your coffee cup, you reply, "Monday morning." You see Jay nodding as a sign that he hears you, but he doesn't say anything. "I... might come back here in about three months?" It was intended as information, but your apprehensive voice made it sound like you're asking for his permission instead of letting him know.

Jay tilts his head, looking a bit curious, "For work?"

You take a deep breath before saying, "For you." Your gaze doesn't waver from his face. "If you can somehow forgive me and give me a second chance?" Jay locks eyes on you. His lips stay closed, but his eyes demand more explanation.

"I... realized that what I feel about you is a real deal. These past 8 months, I've been running away, trying to distract myself from my regret. I went back to Amsterdam, thinking I was gonna go home, but instead, it felt like I was walking away from home..."

"But you got your family, friends there. Your job is there. That's the reason you gave me when you left." Jay points out. He doesn't raise his voice, but you hear his upset loudly.

"Yes, they are. But I was too blind to see that I got similar things here as well. That I also have family and friends here.. Amsterdam doesn't feel the same anymore, with the fact that I left my heart here..."

Jay looks doubtful over your words. "I don't understand why you want to do that. How about your work? You're just growing a new career, and I know it's doing very well,"

"No, I don't think I can do it any longer. I hate being on stage. I got these next three months to finish alex&y/n gigs, then I stop touring. Go back to writing and producing behind the stage, which I still love to do. I could do that from anywhere. Might need to travel once in a while, but I believe I can base here."

Jay stays quiet for a moment. You feel your heart beating fast, waiting for his next words, which turn out to be another question. "If I say no, are you not gonna come and stay?"

Your face was crestfallen, your throat felt dry. Thoughts ran around in the back of your mind. If you stay here, you'd be closer to Jay. But if he doesn't want to forgive you, would staying still be better than being far away from him? "I... probably still come back and stay in Chicago." you finally answer him.

A ringing phone interrupts the heartfelt conversation before Jay gives you any response. He picks up his phone without stepping away from you. "Yeah? Okay. Give me 15 minutes." He says to whomever on the phone. Once the call ends, Jay stands up from his seat, "I gotta go."

"Work?" You pry.

"No. It's Hailey. She asks me to go with her for lunch," Jay explains.

"Oh.." Now you really look pathetic. Jealous for someone dear to Jay? Yeah, you certainly are a mess now.

You follow Jay, who already moves to the front door. As he opens the door to let himself out, Jay pauses to look at you. "It's good to see you, Y/N." He sounds so sincere.

You smile softly at him, "Yeah, Jay. It's good to see you too."

◢◤

"So you went to see her? Why?" Hailey exclaims. She cannot comprehend the reason Jay still wanted to meet his ex.

Jay shrugs. "I just... I don't know. I thought if I talked to her, then I would be able to let go and move on."

"And? Could you now?" Hailey confronts him.

"No. It made me miss her more." Jay admits.

Hailey scorns her friend's confession. "You're not even trying to move on, Jay."

"Maybe. I don't know if I want to though," Jay looks out to the street through the cafe's window.

"She's going to leave again. Break your heart again. Is that what you want?" Hailey tries to make Jay sees the real possibility here.

Jay doesn't give her any response. Without Hailey's reminder, he already thought and feared about the same things.

◢◤

"I have to state that this is an absolute misconduct." Hailey declares furiously from the passenger seat. "And I'm still thinking that you're making a wrong choice here."

It's Monday morning. Hailey should've been suspicious when Jay handed her a cup of coffee and a bag of pastry from her favorite bakery. Now they are gunning down to the charter terminal at Chicago Midway as if they're chasing a perp who tries to escape the country. Jay glances at Hailey and smirks, "Your complaint has been received and noted."

Jay turns his focus back on the road. He has been informed where the plane is gonna be. When he finds it, Jay sees you and your team walk to a G5 that's being prepared for their flight.

Jay brakes his car harshly. The loud screeching sound makes you pause and look at the source of the noise. Jay jumps out of the car and approaches you. He sees the surprised look on your face when you realize that he's here. You slowly walk towards Jay, gaping at him but utter no words.

"There months, you say?" Jay asks you with a heavy breath.

You answer wordlessly with a nod, not getting where Jay's going with this.

"I could wait for three months. Or more. As long as you come back to me." Jay tells you seriously.

"Yeah?" You stutter, eyes wide in surprise. "You sure?"

"Never been surer about anything else in my life," Jay states confidently. He sees your face beams, then it turns into a wide grin. Before he knows it, he has you in his arms, squealing happily.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is also posted on my [tumblr](https://ikleesfiction.tumblr.com/)  
> Work Title was taken from "Don't Look Down" by Martin Garrix ft. Usher


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